Life happens and it's all on how you handle it. This has been my reality for years now. I know what to do, but life happens and there's nothing you can do about it. Depression is a serious thing and I think I have been in it for way to long. Doing things to make me feel better that wastes money. When I think about the money and time that I have wasted with nothing to show it makes me want to do better. Doing better is the thing, what must I do to do better?
Looking at my home, I am blessed. Waking up daily, I am blessed. I have a career, I am blessed. With my financial success, I haven't been taking this blessing to heart.
Last year I opened up an account with Ally. I am glad that I did, overall, I didn't save like I should have when I first started teaching, but it's better late than never. As of now, I have about $250,000 worth of debt. Majority of it is my student loan for a degree that I never completed. The story of my life it seems.
This is the breakdown of all of my financial issues:
First Premier 435 (paid off June 2018)
Navy Federal 1770 (paid off September 2018)
Capital One 2334 (paid off November 2018)
Receivable Management 5104 (paid off by December 2018, 250+ a month)
Federal Loan Servicing 194,000 (December 2023)
Yes, I have charged up my credit cards. Plus, I am going out of town the end of the month. That has to be covered. I'm tired of not doing right and always being behind. Something has to give. As for accountability, this is something that I need to work on.
Going back to the depression thing I don't want to do anything, not even organize the house. I'm tired of being sick and tired. No exercise, no eating right, nothing. My posts are always scattered due to my mind bouncing all over the place. It seems I am always behind. Always. There's always something to do, but I don't want to do it. Nothing. Sometimes I question my mom abilities. Don't get me wrong I do what needs to be done, but for real I could be better. So much better.
There are things that need to be done in the house:
fascia board replaced again
house lifted
floor in kitchen, dining room, and front room replaced with pergo flooring
new cabinets in kitchen
house painted
fence replaced in backyard
As I stated earlier, I have an account with Ally. I withdraw money from the account monthly, which in no way shape, form, or fashion is that ok. Because it's not. Today, I have 1900 in the account. Monthly, I will add 500 to the account, by the end of the year there will be 5435 in that account. I will either use that money to pay off something or continue to let that money grow.
Marybelle just got out of the shop, that was $500. I'm glad that I had the money to pay for it. Again, life happens. There's always something. This is what living is. Also, been working on something that I wanted to do for a long time. I started and stopped. Now it's time to pick it back up.
Life is happening all around and no matter what it is not going to stop. Using my credit cards hasn't helped, but I will get it together. 11 years until I can retire and at this point I'm ready. Having a little boy changes things. Making sure he has what he needs is hard, but I was giving this opportunity and I'm going to make the best of it.
My goal is the save and get out of this debt. It is hard, but it will be worth it. I'm only human and making the best of it.
