5 Years and Counting

Life happens and it's all on how you handle it.  This has been my reality for years now.  I know what to do, but life happens and there's nothing you can do about it.  Depression is a serious thing and I think I have been in it for way to long.  Doing things to make me feel better that wastes money.  When I think about the money and time that I have wasted with nothing to show it makes me want to do better.  Doing better is the thing, what must I do to do better? 

Looking at my home, I am blessed.  Waking up daily, I am blessed.  I have a career, I am blessed.  With my financial success, I haven't been taking this blessing to heart. 

Last year I opened up an account with Ally.  I am glad that I did, overall, I didn't save like I should have when I first started teaching, but it's better late than never.  As of now, I have about $250,000 worth of debt.  Majority of it is my student loan for a degree that I never completed.  The story of my life it seems. 

This is the breakdown of all of my financial issues:
First Premier 435 (paid off June 2018)
Navy Federal  1770 (paid off September 2018)
Capital One 2334 (paid off November 2018)
Receivable Management  5104 (paid off by December 2018, 250+ a month)
Federal Loan Servicing  194,000 (December 2023)

Yes, I have charged up my credit cards.  Plus, I am going out of town the end of the month.  That has to be covered.  I'm tired of not doing right and always being behind.  Something has to give.  As for accountability, this is something that I need to work on. 

Going back to the depression thing I don't want to do anything, not even organize the house.  I'm tired of being sick and tired.  No exercise, no eating right, nothing.  My posts are always scattered due to my mind bouncing all over the place.  It seems I am always behind.  Always.  There's always something to do, but I don't want to do it.  Nothing.  Sometimes I question my mom abilities.  Don't get me wrong I do what needs to be done, but for real I could be better.  So much better. 

There are things that need to be done in the house: 
fascia board replaced again
house lifted
floor in kitchen, dining room, and front room replaced with pergo flooring
new cabinets in kitchen
house painted
fence replaced in backyard

As I stated earlier, I have an account with Ally.  I withdraw money from the account monthly, which in no way shape, form, or fashion is that ok.  Because it's not.  Today, I have 1900 in the account.  Monthly, I will add 500 to the account, by the end of the year there will be 5435 in that account.  I will either use that money to pay off something or continue to let that money grow. 

Marybelle just got out of the shop, that was $500.  I'm glad that I had the money to pay for it.  Again, life happens.  There's always something.  This is what living is.  Also, been working on something that I wanted to do for a long time.  I started and stopped.  Now it's time to pick it back up. 

Life is happening all around and no matter what it is not going to stop.  Using my credit cards hasn't helped, but I will get it together.  11 years until I can retire and at this point I'm ready.  Having a little boy changes things.  Making sure he has what he needs is hard, but I was giving this opportunity and I'm going to make the best of it. 

My goal is the save and get out of this debt.  It is hard, but it will be worth it.  I'm only human and making the best of it. 

Who's Life is It?

That's the big question.  Of course it is mine, but it seems like it is my debt collectors.  As long as I owe people, the money I make isn't mine.  With that being said, I have hit the ground running paying of all of these student loan bills. 

This is really a big time in my life.  Having this 3 year old that I am responsible for and wanting more for me life has added a push o my life.  There are many things that I have accomplished, but there is so much more.  

Paying things off is a priority.  What's funny is that I have extra money to put toward my debt, that I didn't realize I had before.  Maybe my mindset has changed who knows?

Things are getting better, and I truly see that!  Now, to put things in action and continue to do right by my money, myself, time, and others.  

The Road to Financial Freedom
Fed Loan                         3006.72  August 200 a month
Allied Account Services  6372 Walden University 50 a month 
Navient                         11,420.16 payment arrangement 200 until meet original debt (these debts are combined)
                                    12,297.98  payment arrangement 200 until meet original debt
Fed Loan                      71,066.74   service loan forgiveness  60 (these debts are combined to be paid for 10 years and loan will be forgiven)
                                    115,655.08  

All together, about 500 a month I'm paying to eliminate this debt.  Much of this needs to be
paid off in order for me to move.  Which I'm truly looking forward to.  Will not have extreme 
mortgage payment.  No longer will I be a victim to debt.    

As you see, I have the most student loan debt.  With that being said, paying off these debts 
makes me feel like I can do anything.  When a debt has been paid, I feel a sense of relief.  One thing down and a few more to go.  

Having all of this debt has really made me feel like a loser, failure, and inadequate.  When my credit is looked at people say, "You really don't have bad credit, if you didn't have those student loans."  That's the truth.  I have several student loans, which have been consolidated.  I left out the loans that are prior to 1998, this will allow me to qualify for Teacher Loan Forgiveness.  

The sad thing is I really didn't have much time to complete my PhD.  I am everything, but my dissertation.  This where all of the debt came into play.  I've contacted Walden, but I know regardless, the 6372 must be paid off before school is even thought about.  What I'm thinking is close to 15000 is needed in order for me to get back n and complete my PhD.  

During my depressive state, completing my PhD was not an option.  Completely decided that I didn't deserve it, it wasn't worth it, and what is the point.  In my previous life, I never liked for things to be incomplete.  And here we are!  

Once I got over myself and things started looking up, the thought came that I am totally worth it.  

Positive Things
Vanguard Account
Valic
Ally
Digit
Roth IRA
Traditional IRA
Personal Capital 

In all honesty, things really aren't that bad.  I can take care of myself and my baby, so we are good.

Celebrations
Started back making candles (Betty's Only)
My health is better, taking Nature Throid instead of Synthroid
Changed my lifestyle
Interacting more
Taking piano lessons
Jekyll Island
Hot Yoga class
Chucky Cheese
Swim lessons
Paying off debt
He's happy and healthy

Working on myself is the best thing I can do for everyone!  Once, I put myself first things started changing for the better.  Honestly, I take things personal and that prevents me from interacting for real, but overall, I am good.  Let me rephrase that, we are good!
              

Life Goes on no Matter What

Here I am!  That is something that I am so glad to be.  You live and learn and that's what I've been doing.  Beating myself up over past mistakes, decisions, choices, anything.  Overall, just not happy with my life.  That is so sad!  What can I do?  Except my life and move on, because time waits for no man.  I realize that over all of these years, I have wasted so much time, money, and energy.  Where would I be if I saved more money than I spent?  Not in this place.

Beating myself up is something that I do on a daily basis.  Most of the time I compare myself to others and I know that is not what God intended for any of us.  No one can walk in another's shoes.  Everyone has a different path to follow and what is for me is for me only.

As for My Financial Success, it has been a constant struggle, from student loans to other issues, I can't seem to win for losing.

Things that need to be handled
Land Rover sitting in front yard since last year
student loan debt 172,000
other student loans 30,000
credit scores  576 and 585

Things that I'm working on
getting house situated:  2 bedrooms painted, carpet taken up, hardwood under carpet
hallway:  carpet taken up, floor done
kitchen:  cabinets replaced, new counter top, flooring
new bedroom set

Where did I go wrong?  Not putting money to good use, not enjoying life.  I don't try to live like the Jones', but sometimes I feel I don't deserve things.  Right now, I am working on putting my money to good use.  Also, having this little boy has changed my life for the good.  I actually have saved money for him, that I should have been saving for myself a long time ago.  What changes life will bring.

Working on bringing up my credit scores.  Paying things off one at a time.  I learned something, I shouldn't have consolidated my loans, I had 2 to fall off due to them being 20 years old.  Go figure!

Something that I have learned, I am not my credit score.  Having a good one does seem to help make life a little better.

Life

Life is what you make it and I think I'm going to make it better.  I posted Liam on Craigslist because there are several things wrong with him.  It's so sad, but I am in a state of letting go.  Letting go of my past and making better decisions.  It has to get better.  First, I have to pay $540 to get him out of the shop and there are other issues.  He may need another engine.  I feel so sorry for him, but life does go on.

Called yesterday to inquire about consolidation.  That was a very good call.  I went to studentloans.gov and signed up to consolidate my student loans.  What's very interesting about my case is that I have loans prior to 1995.  With that being said, I should be able to get a loan reduction for working on Title I schools.  Since this is my case, no loan reduction for me until those loans are paid in full.  I had those loans isolated so I can pay those off individually.  Looking forward to getting that done.

This month has been full of money coming out, but I'm glad to say I have actually gotten many things done.  I've been in a rut and it's time to get out of it.  Doing what is right by myself and my baby is all that is important.  When someone is constantly asking for me to help them, that is taking away from me and my baby.  More or less robbing us blind.

I want so much more for him.  A better house, in a better neighborhood.  I deserve that and so does he.  Even if I have to move away from my mom.  I just feel safer being closer to her.  I'm grown and have to let go of those strings.

One day at a time is all it takes.  Just one, one day at a time!  Continue to do what's right.  Make better choices and put money where it will work best.  Let go of my past mistakes and never look back.  That's how accidents happen, looking back.

Fifteen years, there are so many things that can happen during that time.  You blink and that time has passed.

Things that need to happen
Continue paying off student loans so they don't go into default
Refinance house so it'll be paid off in 15 years
Move to a better neighborhood
Continue to cut back
Get Oneal Street rented out
Trees cut in backyard
Floors fixed/replaced
Paint side room
Continue to thin house out

I'm old enough now to realize my errors and how to make them better.  I've cut back enough that I can really see the difference in my income.  My baby is going to grow and get bigger and more money is going to come out.  That's one reason why I must make better choices.  I had a large amount of money and due to paying things off that has been dwindling down.  I still have a little extra, but not what I once had.  Here's the opportunity to make up what was once there.  In due time, it's alright and I know it is.