Will I Ever Get This Together?

Spinning wheels and getting nowhere fast.  Been on this financial success journey for years and in my opinion I haven't gotten far at all.  I write and I don't write, I make promises to myself and don't keep them.  This journey is a trying one, but worth all the effort.  When I complain, I'm told that that's what we call living. Am I living wrong?  What is the problem?  In real life it seems I can't get right, but then there is everything to be thankful for and for that I am thankful!  

My debt is something that really bothers me and makes my life miserable.  Again, things are wonderful!  My problems go on and on!  Number 1:  Health is my mine concern.  Number 2:  Making sure I can take care of my baby.  Number 3:  Handling my financial success.  Number 4:  Making sure I do the right thing.  Number 4:  Be present for my mom.

In life period I get caught up on putting money in the right place and not spending on food.  That's my biggest issue, food.  When I try to do right something happens, car goes out, washing machine dies, glasses get broken, anything that could happens does and I'm just tired.

To date, there have been several debts that have been paid off, but there are several more that need to be tended to.

Where does time go, money, your life?  Where does it all go?  Away, that's where it goes.  The plans that I've made for my life, where did they go?  I wonder from time to time, what did I do wrong, where did I go wrong?  Now, the question is what to do to make things better?  I don't need to get discouraged at all.  Keep fighting this battle and put money where it belongs, to my debt.

Issues
Capital One $779  May 2018
Navy Federal $1450  June 2018
Obgyn  $5354 paid off by December 2018
Navient $12,388 $11,488 or to $10,000 first  December 2019
Fed Loan Servicing $193,280  December 2028 Call because they are not taking my Public Loan Forgiveness paperwork

Now what needs to be done?  Get over myself and do what is best.  Continue a good fight and not give up.  This is one of the hardest things I have done.  What makes it so frustrating for me is that I'm not this person that goes hard and shops, shops, shops, I don't do that.  I can't seem to get it together.
Negative self talk is what can sabotage this entire financial journey that I am on.  Honestly, like always, I am sick and tired of being sick and tired.  This is getting old. 

Rethinking my problems, have to take my time organize and not get down due to my own financial issues.  The credit cards were supposed to help with getting my credit score higher.  They did for a few and then it went for not.

It's ok, it's alright!  Things will get better.  As long as I stay focused, don't get side-tracked, and use money for my (our benefit) things will be fine.

Things to do
Get Marybelle towed and fixed
Get Liam towed and fixed
If too much money both cars will be sold
Clean house top to bottom
Save $500-$1000 a month
Get over myself and my issues and do the damn thing
Come up with a plan to get rid of this $193,000 debt
Read more
Save for a down payment on another house

Things in House
kitchen counter tops
kitchen cabinets
kitchen/dining room floor
front room floor
fascia board house
house painted
fence fixed
storage unit removed from yard

It doesn't seem that I have been in my career as long as I have and it's been a long time.  Now, I have only 12 years to retire and do what's best for us.  Use my salary to pay off this debt.  It's really not much, but it is something that has hindered me from doing and being what I want to be.

Things will get better, if there is extra money it will go toward the lowest debt that I have.  I made a plan that if we don't eat out, that money saved during the week will go toward debt.  We will see how that works.

This blog is supposed to help me, but in real life I don't want to face my problems.  If I ignore them they will go away and that is not the case.  They tend to get worse instead of getting better.  All it takes is me, me doing right by my money, not offer spending and focusing on being the best me that I can be.

All I Can Do is Live

I had to realize that I have not been in a good place for a really long time.  Chaos all around.  In my mind, home, car, job, life, social interactions, chaos.  Stepping back understanding the problem and working towards making it better. 

The house looked as if it had thrown up.  Things everywhere, clothes, things, all over the place, no order, none.  I started in the back of the house and thinned out.  Got rid of clothes, shoes, papers, things.  Moved things around.  I also started to decorate.  I have been in the house for a long time and I haven't enjoyed it.  Haven't made it comfortable, home.  I know these things don't matter, but they add warmth to the space.  You can actually walk throughout the house and nothing is on the floor.  Everything has a place.  More or less.  It feels good to finally have a clean home. 

In the meantime, during the decorating, I have been redoing each room.  My room is done.  Now the guest bedroom.  It had to be Kilz.  That was done today.  Tomorrow, it will be painted.  Looking forward to it.  Once that is done, the carpet will be removed and the hardwood sanded and varnished.  There will be a full sized bedroom set put in there. 

Next, his room will be done just like the guest bedroom.  Finally, the carpet will be taken up in the hallway and the hardwood done too.  Making the space comfortable while I'm here and ready for the next tenant after I leave. 

The front of the house is going to take the most work.  The floor has shifted in the kitchen.  There needs to be a new counter top and cabinets.  The floor needs to be done too.  I didn't mention a backsplash.  Something pretty.  The front room carpet needs to be taken up and floor under needs to be fixed.  There's a hump in it.  Not too sure about what type of flooring I would like for that room.  Will have to think about that. 

In the front yard, I planted a flower garden and it is really pretty.  They are perennials so they will come back every year.  Slowly, but surely I am appreciating the things that I have done in my home.  It is mine and it might as well be what I want. 

As far as my debt, I haven't done anything with it.  It is still there.  I haven't checked CreditKarma.  Nothing. 
Student loans
Medical bills

I have been spending money on nothing really, but not on what is important.  Not at all.  What is the problem?  I just don't feel like doing what it takes to get out of this financial turmoil that I have gotten myself into. 

What I told myself is that I would look at CreditKarma and see where I stand.
Contact all debtors and set up payment arrangements
Continue to save $1000 a month

At the end of the year, I wanted to purchase a new car with the money saved.  Purchase land, pay off debt, put it toward my mortgage.  I really don't know what to do. 

What I can do is put $400 toward my smallest debt in July.  This will allow me to get something paid off in at least 2-3 months. 

Life is about learning from your mistakes and doing what it takes not to repeat them.  I created this debt and it's up to me to eliminate it. 

Plus, I got a part time job.  I do enjoy it.  That helps.  Focus is what I need and having a clean home does help.  I know that moments matter, but they fade away.  I must do what's best for me! 

Dripping Like a Running Nose

There have been many things going on:
Baby Showers
House Warming
Many other gift giving events

For me:
Fascia board replaced
Tree Limbs removed off back of house
mother's day gifts several
dropped my phone again today

Credit score dropped.  I did get a refund from the bank issue.  Life happens as always.  I'm a worrier and this baby has only made it worse.  My emotions are all over the place.  Maybe it's the baby, maybe it's my thyroid, maybe it's my life.  I don't know, but regardless, I have to get it under control.

Cutting into my savings, I am almost at $1000, that's not good.  Now, I need to replace that money that was taken out.  It's going to take time to make that happen.  Been seriously thinking about selling Liam.  That money could go to paying off Marybelle.  In the meantime, Marybelle is having issues.  That's crazy still paying off the car and having issues with it.

As of today, no more money coming out.  Unless, it has to do with food or an emergency comes up.  Also, tithes.  Things will be fine, I don't believe that all the time, but I know it will.

Next steps
Flooring fixed
Another tree limbs cut down
Bulb replaced and cover on Marybelle

Overall, I am glad that I have been able to handle all of the responsibilities.  Having this baby has made me view life much differently.  I'm able to take care of him and my other obligations as well.  I am so thankful.  I could not have ever imagined that this would be my life, but it's mine and I love it.

I will be fine!

Bumps in the Road

As long as you live, there will be bumps in the road.  Many times it is done because you aren't living right.  Other times, to make you aware of the changes that need to be made.  In my world, patience has been working on me for some time now.  I said it a while ago, that there is a young lady that is trying to get out.  She is her, but things are not as they should be.  Not for real.

As I stated before, I get close and something tends to happen.  I guess that is the thing we call life.  So there has to be major adjustments made.  Something has happened that has made me rethink things.  First, I need to find another place to stay.  That is one of the steps and second, it needs to be cheaper than what I pay now.

As you probably remember, my credit has taken a downside and have been working toward making it better.  In my mind there is no clarity.  There is chaos in most of my thoughts.  Nothing is clear and it seems I can't seem to focus on anything.

To be honest, the devil has made me feel some kind of way.  That is because I am probably on the verge of a major break thorough.  One thing is for sure, I am thankful because out of bad does come good.  This has taught me that I need to be more secure and even though I am from that area, it is time for me to move on.

Today, I will look at other options on how I can get things better and move toward being this better person.  Yes, it did make me sad, but things could have gone in a different direction.  I am better and things will be better.

My situation is not that bad, but it is mine!  No one can take that away from me.

Issues:
behind one month on mortgage due to paying for Walden
Sallie Mae behind
Walden owe can't get back in school until I pay for previous term
Liam hose fixed and flat tire

Tired of always being on the losing end.  When will I finally get it together?

DIY, is Totally for Me

borax, washing soda, baking soda, and grated soap

As I have been working toward cutting corners and making things work, I have learned how to make my own washing powder.  I know, I that it was so cool.  I went to WalMart and bought all of the ingrediants and mixed them together.  What I made smells really fresh and clean, we will see what the outcome will be.  This is another way to cut costs.  Looking at the overall picture, I am home and when I am, I don't watch tv.  This is more money saved.  Cutting costs here and there will help to pay off these bills. 

Another thing, I feel much better about my past and the things that took place.  I had to go through to learn and get in a better place.  Everything is alright and things happen for a reason.  I am learning how to manage and not worry and stress over things.  Yes, money is important, but it doesn't equal happiness.  Life, joy, and love are wonderful aspects of our lives and we tend to push it away for crazy things.  Now, it's time for me to make a difference and put myself first and manage my life. 

It will be a journey that I am willing to take.  Tired of being in that place that I was once in, not knowing what to do to make things better.  Pay off all debt, not incur anymore and put all extra cash toward debts.  This will not be done in vain. 



2010 What will it have in Store?

Making Money

One thing that I can truly say is I know I make money. It is evident I see it. As a matter of fact, I have it in case of emergency. What is funny about that is, I couldn't get to it if after 6 and it may be closed due to the holidays, at least it's there. I have had to pay my own mortgages. All three tenats (that includes my moms) have been late since November. What is really going on? One of my tenants is in jail. I deal with his sister. She had the total for November and December and someone broke in her car while at work. If I am not paid by the middle of January I am filing for an eviction. I know the house is a mess. My other tenant now is a grandmom (twice) has had to make some sacrifices to help her daughter. Things tend to happen at the end of the year.

Seeing What I Make

Looking back over the last year. Again, I know that I have money and where it goes. Yes, I did spend out for the holidays, and it was needed. Yes, I buy things I may not need. I do this because I finally have something to show for something. It feels good to know that I can buy this and not have to worry about overdrawing in my account. Now, what I need to do is pay off the Escalade. Due to Christmas and having to pay my own mortgages, I will have this paid off by January 31, 2010. Liam also needs some brakes. I need to call Firestone and find out exactly what is wrong with Liam.

Writing Leads to Reflexation

Looking back over my books. I write from time to time and over the years, I have always wanted the same things. To own property. I think it is the coolest thing ever. When I think about what it will take for me to get on it, I can't see anything straight through. Ok, let's see: Get with Carrie to find out what needs to be done

They don't erase anything

Find out about those 2 loans that should have been in deferment

Keep credit card below 40 %

Pay down MEA

Save money

Pay off Escalade

Have to put 10% down purchasing price

All over the Place, This is Me

I know this is jumping all over the place, stay with me please. Today, I will take my passport photo. This is something that I have been putting off for the past year. What am I doing? Who am I doing it for? Why am I even here? There is a vast world out there waiting to be discovered. Why not travel, there is nothing else to do. I am not getting any younger. Take the time out to enjoy this world in which we were given the opportunity to dwell. For me, 2010 is going to be about awakening, realization, focus, happiness, peace, enjoyment, and overall life. My place is this world, I may not know, but I am going to enjoy every minute that I am here.

New Job How would that Work?

Changing jobs would be wonderful and what is sad is I don't think I can do anything else. What is even worse is that I know I am worth so much more. Then at the same time am I lazy? I feel that going through the interview process is so whatever. I don't know. I don't want to be the classroom teacher forever and I will not. Taking my last class that I haven't participated in in a few days. Need to be doing something toward my Breadth Component. Thinking of my finances tell me that the Escalade will not be paid off until January 2010, I complete year, wow! Lists work for me.

Escalade January 2010

Saved money 1,000

February 3,000

Pay off Wachovia 2255.57

1,000 left over

March-May 6,000

MEA paid off April

US Dept. of Edu 12,000 Maybe I need to call to inquire about length of time of loan

Purchase house with D

Duplexs/ and more

Scattered Get it Together

This is what is going on with me right now. I am all over the place and need to get it together. This tends to be the story of my life. Slow down, mentally and just all over. I love the person that I am and know I can be so much better. I am not the best that I can be. At least I know that and knowing is half the battle. So today, I start anew. Eating right, focusing and what is important and not the spam, doing right by me. I will also post on my other blogs that I haven't said anything in a long time on. So I will deem this day, a day of renewal. It feel good.

Under Pressure

I will not pressure myself, but the time is not slowing down and in order to achieve my goals I my do what is right. Look toward how I can attain multi unit properties, travel, teach, and live my life comfortably. I am somebody that is worthy of having what I want. Seeing myself with what I want, just block out the spam.