Why Do I Keep Doing the Same Ole Things?

I have messed up royaly and the first thing is to admit your wrong. I am admitting my wrong! This makes time number two that I have wronged someone that is very dear to me. Why did I do that, who knows, maybe looking for love in all the wrong places? At this moment, I am feeling what I did wrong.

Here I go again on my own! This is not a place that I ever wanted to be. What have I learned from my mistake? Never look outside of your relationship for anything. Look within it, communication, and trust are key to a happy relationship.

What I want: I know we may never recover from this, but if we do I will not and I do repeat will not do anything like that again. The entire situation is sad and it is not completely my fault. All I can do is admit my wrong and work on making me better. This time around I will make me better. I don't ever want to have this experience again. What we shared was intimate and we took each other for granted. If we could return to where we were I would be different. I would cherish every moment that we spend together. My friends would not be before you and I would work on making us better.

Since I am on my own again, my finances have completely changed. The extra cash that I had has gone to hotel rooms, moving (purchasing new things), eating out. I am not at 100% and it is to be expected, but I do know I am giving myself an entire year to get everything together.

May 11, 2010-May 11, 2011
completed all 3 KAMS
completed prospectus and dissertation
done 2 residencies
about to graduate with PhD
group home running
moved from 3210 Oneal Street
pay off Ron for fixing 637 Parkchester
pay off tax lien
pay off wachovia
pay off US Dept of Education
pay off MEA
purchase 3 houses
keep credit scores up 607, 657, 657 (they can only get better)

Something that I have noticed about myself is that the months of March-May usually has some type of chaos going on. What am I doing to attract these negative things? I am tired of my faults and like I stated earlier I will work on them and be a better person. I don't ever in life want to feel like this and I never will. Keep moving forward and let me realize that I made a mistake and the things I do have a trickle down effect on the people I am around. If you can find it in your heart to forgive me please do.

There is more that I have to say, but the time will be later. This is my financial success, the ups and downs, high and lows, but through it all I will achieve financial success. There are many things that have been put off over the years. This year, I will make them happen. All extra cash will go toward paying off the lowest debts first.

Also, remember I am paying for utilities in two places, my new residency and Parkchester. So my money is used up. Keep saving and moving forward that is my plan.