Ok, And

Every day goes by and it does get better, but it's not at its best. Realizing who I am and what needs to be done is a serious and daunting task. Being in the house by myself has made me realize many things. One, that I have to make a life change. Two, I was put on this Earth to enjoy it and not be a mess up. Three, it's up to me to make things right. Four, do something different. All of these things are of great importance to me.

Since the beginning of the month, I have been in a low place treading water. I am tired of being here. I have come to the decision that I will enjoy this place and make the most of it. I have been truly blessed through out my life and the blessings will continue to flow. Reading books about Buddhism has really helped me understand myself, others, and life. There are areas in my life that I have failed on the test, but there are others that I excel in. There needs to be a balance.

Today, I have no more cash at all. The good thing about it is I get paid Wednesday, the bad thing is I owe, I owe! Just like this month I made it, I will make it next month too. I used my credit card to fill up in gas. I took $20 and went to the grocery store. I only spent $18 and some change. There is enough food in the house to last me until next week. Good job!

There have been a few positive things that have happened:
applied for passport
Learning Agreement II approved
ordered books for last part of KAM I

So as you can read, I have not been just wallowing in sorrow! Yes, I have, but I have been doing things too.

Things I have to pay:
637 Parkchester
1027 Fisk
2 power bills
2 gas bills
2 water bills
2 cable bills
Tmobile
US Dept of Education
Wachovia
Ron

Things need to be fixed in home:
Cheap tile removed off of floor bathroom done
sink fixed and replaced done
sheet rock replaced done
faucet replaced tub

I guess I may be in this home for about 1 year. This is an income property for my mother and now that I am here that is $425 that she isn't getting per month. Truly, I don't want to be here, but this may be the best place for me. This is the second time around and there will not be third.

Time keeps on moving and no I am not getting any younger. There are things that will be done. I don't know how much money I owe Ron, but once that is finished I will start back saving. Five years until I am 40. Wow!

Another thing, wherever I go once I leave this house I will not have a mortgage! It is ridiculous how the housing market is. If the home is $50,000 when you finish paying for it, you will have paid almost $300,000. That is a shame! So I have learned that I mortgage is not the way to go. Or, I will just build me a house.

All I know is I didn't learn the first time, but I have this time! No longer will I spin my wheels to get nothing! I am fine, just have to except my place in this world and do the best I can! I am worth more than I ever thought! Thank you for letting me realize that!