Here I am laying on the floor with the television on mute, just being. I love my friends, each and everyone of them. They all have something different to bring to the table, and yet they are all honest and truthful about who they are and how they view things. I am thankful to have them in my life. It is going on two years of a complete change in my life and I still haven't come to a good place with it all. Regardless, there are still some major changes that need to be made for other things to enter my life.
I feel like something has been snatched away from me. My motivation, spunk is gone. I have mentioned being afraid of success and that I am. Constantly beating myself up for not being this person that I think I should be. What am I afraid of? Only I can give the true answer, but is it one that I am afraid to reveal even to myself. That is an interesting question. Khristy told me today that I should be open to receive all of the blessings that are out there for me. Is it true, that I could be blocking my own blessings? Am I afraid to receive what is truly out there for me?
No matter what, I get that I am not your typical 35 (soon to be 36) year old woman. There are many things that seperate me from the masses. I am a different breed of lady. And yet I don't know what I deserve or want out of life.
Remember I was supposed to have close to $10,000 don't have it, bearly have $5,000. Be thankful for what I do have. Ontop of all that, I am going to New York for a family reunion. I sent a request out of Couchsurfing, hopefully she will respond. I haven't gotten my ticket yet either. Did I mention, I have to rent a car too. It never stops.
Everything will be alright, where there's a well there's a way. Random thoughts, thought I would share.
Cheers
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