Fear Sets In

Things have been moving forward and I have been putting my money to good use.  I got my tax return and I have paid off many outstanding bills.  Those bills that were $50-$200, it feels good, but I am afraid that I will not have anything to show for the money that I have received.  I want to do different this year with my tax return.  Not believing in myself seems to be an issue.  I am looking forward to positive results and making my credit score move up.  It has nowhere else to go, but up.  That's for real.  I have set many goals and am making them work. 

There is a goal that I have made, that took some of the money I had away.  Also, I have had to make some adjustments in my clothes.  That is more money that has gone to upgrade my wardrobe, so that is worth it.  I have also been eating out.  Ran out of groceries so that leaves me to eat out.  Not a good choice, but it is what it is.  All bills have been paid, need to change where my power bill goes, it still goes to my mothers house.  That's an issue too.  Another thing, I have set up automatic draft for most of my bills, I need to do that with my power bill and my water if that is an option. 

It feels good to look in my account and see all of the money that I have saved.  Now to not blow it.  There are some things that I need to get, but they will help me to become a better person.  What will I do when I grow up?  Where will I go?  What will be my position in life?  Will I complete this program?  Do I want to have a leadership degree?  Will I stay in the classroom for my entire career?  These are all questions that I want to know the answer to, but I will wait to find out.  I will continue to put my best foot forward, grow in walk with God, and do what I can to make things better. 

I am doing property manangement for a house around the street.  I have posted it on socialserve.com and I think it should be rented by the end of the month.  This is dealing with those on government assistance so that is money that is coming regardless.  Now as far as the other house, they have to go.  Tired of trying to get you to pay something you know you need to pay.  I went ahead and filed for an eviction.  Everytime I do this, it makes me feel some kind of way.  Like I really don't want to, but I have no choice.  It is part of the game. 

Looking at my life there have been some ups and downs and for the most part I have survived them all.  Learning as I go and trying to make the best of it.  As for school, I have received a specialist degree, now what about this paper that I have to write.  I have been in the program for a very long time and it doesn't seem like it will ever end.  I know I can't compare myself to others, but for real, it is time to move on to something else.  Looking at my future plans, I know and have always known, I don't want to be in the classroom forever.  There were plans I made that didn't come to fruition, but that wasn't what God wanted for me.  Sometimes, he will bring you to it, but not through it because it wasn't for you.  That is something that I have had to realize in my life. 

Things are moving forward and it's because I have made some adequate changes in my life.  Not doing many of the things I used to do, not being around many of the people I used to be around has helped me to progress in my life.  Sometimes it is hard, but you have to limit your interactions with certain people and things in order to see progress.  That I have seen.  Ordering my steps has helped me greatly and I am proud. 

Now, continue to put my best foot forward, not look back on old things.  Get over my art of sabatoge and continue to love and embrace the people that love and cherish me.  I am thankful for everything that has happened in my life, the good and the bad.  Thankful for the people that I have encountered over the years, because without them I wouldn't be where I am today.  Life has a purpose for you.  As long as you move forward and do what is right, things will fall into place.  What I'm realizing is that we want to be worldly and not Godly, that tends to pose a problem no matter what.  Love yourself.  Don't spend all you have!  Put yourself around people that are movers and shakers.  Give back to your community!  These things will help you grow into the person that you are meant to be.