I Don't Know What to Say or Feel

My credit score is slowly going up, my scores are 612 and 608.  I've contacted my student loans and have been making payments monthly.  Something is better than nothing.  Really looking forward to my scores going up more.  I have been spending money on food and other things.  I also came up with an idea that I want to save $100,000.  The number came from nowhere, but that's what I want.  I've been teaching for 15 years and I have another 15 years to go before I retire.  There has been much money that I have wasted over the years.  Now, I have someone else to live for.  Not that my life isn't of the greatest importance, because it is.  I think back over the years and the things I've done, haven't done, places I've been, places I haven't been, but overall, all the money that has gone through my hands.  Throughout all of this I have lost some of myself.  Life happens, yes it does, but it's a matter of how one handles it.  Where she has gone I don't know.  The ambition, motivation, determination is out the window.  Did the pregnancy do it, or just the experiences that lead up to the pregnancy?  Really and truly I can't tell you.  Where's that girl?  The fun loving, no holds barred lady that would try anything once (within perimeters) has left the building and I want her back.  

When I look at this property that I live in there are so many things that need to be done, inside and out.  It makes me sad.
fascia board
flooring (humps and slumps)
counter top
removal of carpet in hallway
paint candle room
cage around central heat and air
cover over central heat and air thermostat
remove trees or limbs in the backyard

The house isn't perfect, plus my mortgage is more than it should be.  I paid more for the house, young is all I'm going to say about that.  Plus, a new mattress, it's so sad.  I want this house to be presentable, a new paint job wouldn't hurt either.  Quality.

I think very deeply sometimes more than I should.  Wanting to move into a new home, will I be able to afford it?  Need to rent out the other house.  Feel like a failure most of the time.  Like I stated earlier, the ambition is gone, where did it go?  I always ask myself that.

Other issues, cars, can't seem to get a vehicle that doesn't have a problem.  The Mini Cooper has issues with the seats, I can't let the passengers seat back it's very close to the dashboard.  I did get the Land Rover started, now it needs to go into the shop to find out what's wrong with out.  Always money  coming out.   Regardless, I stay above water, which I am very glad of.


Don't know where I am going or what I'm doing, but I do know that my credit score is getting better, I have a handsome baby boy, my health is great, and I'm still hear.

I called several phone numbers that called my house phone.  One was from AmSouth bank, they stated they were failing a judgement against me.  This is an account that I have disputed several years ago, that wasn't mine.  When will it appear on my credit report is a good question?  Another account has appeared on my report too.  It's only for $80, I'll pay for that next month.