Tuesday, January 20, 2015

Getting Older Should be Getting Better

It's almost the end of the month and things keep moving as always.  Tired of the struggle, tired of not having enough to make ends meet.  Tired of just being tired.  There never seems to be enough.  Never.  Where did I go wrong?  Student loans, constant phone calls, more debt.  Never enough.

I got paid December 19, 2014.  I surprised that I'm not overdrawn, but I'm sure I will be very soon.  The truck isn't working, I need to put it in the shop.  Marybelle's seats in stuck in a position.  It's always one thing after another.  Cut back and it still isn't enough.  So what needs to be done?  Pay off the few small bills.  I forgot I put the house on Oneal Street on HAP and they moved out.  I have to repay 348 to the government.  That'll be done at the end of the month.  The check is usually gone before it is here.  Did I mention, the television in the front room has died.  Always something.

Seriously thinking about moving ASAP.  Don't want to bite of more than I can chew.  Sometimes it seems I can't see the forest for the trees.  I have gas in my car, that's good.  The little dog needs food for the next few days.  We have food in the house so that's good.  Let's make it until the end of the month.  We can do this, yes we can.

40 is coming really quick and I never thought I would be in the financial bind that I'm in.  Haven't finished my PhD due to owing 5,000.  Debt is everlasting it seems.  Never thought this would be my life.  It is and now and I can change it by taking small steps.  Put in job applications here and there until I find something else.  Contribute to my retirement constantly.  Change my babies name before he starts school.  So much to do, so little time.  Never know when this life will be snatched from under you.

38 years of living and not to the fullest.  Things are changing, just like the weather.  What will I do?  Do things that I haven't done whether it's with my baby or not.  Next month, I may take a road trip, it all depends.  Maybe not because there are several things that need to be paid off.

Using this forum as a personal guide to my freedom.  There are several wants, but overall I do want him to have a happy childhood with a backyard he can play in.  A place where I can have company and relax.  The neighborhood is hood and I did that to myself.  It's time for mature thing and I deserve that.  The time is now.
You are probably tired of the sad stories, there needs to be some success stories on here too.  I'm working on that, I promise.  This is a place for me to vent, express, cry, smile, tell all sometimes.  I will get better, I just have to keep working it.  Sometimes it gets worse before it gets better.
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