It's all Me

It's no one else, but me!  I've been in the same place for the last however many years and I'm tired of this.  So close, but no horseshoes.  Have so many plans and nothings works.  Because I am the source of the problem.  There are so many things of interest to me, but I fight against the machine.  I'm growing and changing and need to stay focused on the most important thing.  My baby and getting out of this debt that I have accumulated over all these years.  The closer I get the further it seems to achieve my goals.

Student loans are not the major concern anymore, it is these credit cards.  I was on a roll last year and now, they are a problem.  Pay them down and after that, Obgyn and Associates (which they will not separate this debt).  Nothing beats a failure, but a try.  That I am doing is trying.

Along this journey, I forgot who I was, the things I am interested in, and what brings me joy.  Having this little boy has been interesting and sad all at the same time.  Many times, I don't know that I'm doing a good job!  I try to give him what is needed and be the love that keeps him going.  Is that enough, can I be enough for him?  Can I give him all the tools that he needs to be a successful young man?

Goals
house lifted
house painted
carpet (flooring taken up in front room, kitchen, and dining room
cabinets, counter tops replaced (back splash)
Marybelle (tail light, casing on side, headliner replaced)
Move 3/4 bedroom 2/3 bathroom 2 car garage and a fireplace

Debt
Obgyn and Associates
Fed Loan Servicing
Valic
Navient

The age of 42 is a life learning experience.  I've never been married, but I am glad that I have lived to see what life can bring you.  At this juncture of life, I've had cancer, a baby, lived in the hood, been an educator, started and didn't complete a PhD program, accumulated a ton of debt, landlord, I can go on and on, but I am still here.  With all of that said, it has been a journey that I am proud to be on.  Now, I am tired.  I have made a way when there has been none.  Stayed above water, when in my mind, I was draining.

Yes, I want to give up from time to time, but I don't!  I carry on, now, I will say, I don't interact often, but I know how to stay in my line.  It's time to get my life back.  There are no rewinds, regardless.  Seeing the forest for the trees is a major concern for me.  Know that I can accomplish anything is what is scary.  Talking a good game is much of my problem.  There are so many things that I love, but don't do.  Is it because I am afraid of success.  In real life, I am better for others than myself.  It really is sad.

Working on being a better person to myself is my key to building my own success.  I've starting thinning and throwing away.  It starts from within.  Most of my posts are rambles, I know, but it's time.  Yoga, exercising, healthy eating, games, travel, loving him are all things that are important to me.  Making sure he has much love and life!

Retirement is near and I have what it takes to be ready for this life change.  Being in the 3rd stage of life (dedication, contemplation, and benevolence:  Adulthood, Mature Adulthood, and Midlife) is something serious.  My thoughts and interests aren't like others.  I tend to wonder why is my life like this, what did I do to have this?  Those are not questions I should be asking, but what can I do to make my life better, my babies life better?

Most of my posts are scattered as my mind.  They give me something to look back on and make better decisions and choices.  I am fine, we are fine!  Trust and know that nothing is all for not!

Things are Getting Better

Today, I opened up an account with Ally Online Banking and I'm really looking forward to building money with this account.  It will not be easy to withdraw money, monthly, I will deposit $250 to build it so I can do some awesome with that money.

There are always so many things going on in my life that I tend to be a little scattered.  Hence, why I may not have achieved financial freedom.  Go figure.

Needs
Functioning vehicle
Trees removed from my backyard
Back of house finished
Fence fixed
Fascia board replaced entire house

Banking accounts
Kinetic
Navy Federal
Ally: deposit $250 or more monthly

There is really no true focus in my life.  There has been something going on where I can not focus.  It's really sad.  Or is it that I have so many things that I want to get accomplished that it's allowing me to be all over the place.

Goal for the rest of the month
Stop wasting money
Pay off Navient $1017
Cook and stop wasting food

Debts
Navient:  $1017 pay off the end of the month
Navient charged off :  $11,000 and $12,000 200 monthly
Federal Loan Servicing $3125  100 monthly
Medical:  $5683 25 monthly
Allied (Walden):  $6447 25 montly

I've ordered some candle wax to make candles for Betty's Only to get that back up and running.  That will be a way to make a little more cash.  Plus, it's fun.  I truly have no organization about my life, that's sad, but I am who I am, and I'm going to be who I be.

Using Digit and Ally will allow me to do the things that I need to do in order to have financial freedom.  This has been one of the hardest things I've ever done, but determination is the key to this all.  I can do it.  I know I can.  I checked my retirement account and it's looking pretty good.  Along side of my 403b, we will be alright.  Adding my Vanguard account and purchasing a property here and there, things are looking better.

Things to do
Continue to make money work for me, putting all extra cash toward debts and saving.  It can be done at the same time.
Get rid of things that don't serve me anymore, regardless of what it may be.
Focus
Believe in myself
Never give up
Focus on the good things in my life
Give thanks constantly
Clean and purify my space, surroundings, and mind
get the backyard and house like it should be.

I got this and it's alright!  Everything is alright, trust that!  Make the subtle changes and continue to believe in myself.

It's the Middle of the Year

Spending, spending, spending....that's what I've been doing this summer.  At the same time, I've been getting things done.

Candle room
Kilz
Next
painted
carpet taking up
floor done

Hallway
carpet taken up
floor done

Liam has been put in the shop.  He will not be out until he is fixed.  This will save getting another vehicle.  Plus, I got some flowers for the front yard and they have added appeal to the yard.  There are still things that need to be done, but I'm glad I decided to get over whatever it is and get these things done.

Getting things done feels really good.  Being in the middle of my life and having this baby has really made things different.  Putting money to good use is always worth it.

What needs to be done
refinance home
pay off 1532
pay off 3295
put up 1000 every month
pay for his school for July

Entering a new stage of my life and I'm looking forward to it.  Every day is new and I haven't been living it like that.  Now is different.  I have over 175,000 worth of student loan debt and it angers me.  All I can do is work to make my life better.  Take every day one at a time.