Thursday, August 21, 2014

It's My Life

Looking back over my life, I have had a wonderful one.  Full of ups and downs, but I guess that is what life is composed of.  I remember making plans and some coming to reality and others falling by the way side.  Through it all things have been great.  Sicknesses, losses, life, death, overcoming and moving forward.  Not holding on to things makes it hard, but much easier to cope.

Making plans to retire by 20 and have a PhD, have they been my reality.  No, they haven't.  Is it due to fault of my own, why, yes. I'll admit, things haven't turned out how I've wanted them to or expected, but I'm here to tell the story.

I've come to terms with not being able to afford my PhD.  Exhausting my financial aid, I'm not able to afford school anymore.  Plus, there are other things that are more important than obtaining that degree.  Even though, I've always wanted to have D. R. period in the front of my name, since I was in junior high school.  I've wondered since I started the program what I would do with it once I finished.  To be honest, I think I was afraid to complete it.  Being in the program since 2005.  This seemed to be something I just couldn't finish, for whatever reason.  Afraid, I'll say this has been the one thing that I haven't been able to complete and get off my back.  At one point, I felt like a failure, but now, I have just let go.

Having a baby and being a cancer survivor has made me look at life in a totally different perspective.  Life is intricate.  One minute your here, the next you're gone.  What is it all worth?  The things we deem important sometimes aren't.  So, I'm looking at doing things a little different.  I understand that many things are out of our control, but overall, you have to put God first in everything you do.

Things I'm going to do different
18 months left on Marybelle, put 100-200 extra on my 450 payment (this will allow car to be paid off in 12-14 months)
Oneal Street on HAP, 1 year lease
Get baby an account, put 100 in his account monthly for the next 18 years.  Find an account that will earn a decent interest rate
Pay off Walden
Get student loans under control
Prepare to move from Fisk (4 bedroom/2 bath fireplace and 2 car garage) it's time to get out of the hood
Put any extra money in my account (save 50-200 a month)
Start preparing for winter for baby (get ahead of things, before I know it he'll be 1 years old)
Stop wasting money and do better overall

There have been many things that have occurred in my life and I look at things so different.  It's time to make a change and do it for the better.  What is it all worth?  I don't want to have any regrets.  I have done many things that I may not be proud of, but through it all I have overcome.  Having this baby makes things seem so clear.  Maybe I'm a little more emotional than I've been before, but I know I have to do better for him to have a good life.

It seems that I can't get ahead and that there is a financial curse on me.  I don't know, but somewhere things have got to be different.  All I can do is live me life and do the best I can.

Friday, August 15, 2014

This is No Easy Thing

There have been many things that have happened in my life since I've had this blog, but that's neither here nor there.  The ultimate goal is financial success which I haven't yet achieved.  Life is a work in progress and it only gets better.

Over the years of course I've gotten older.  I had a major break up, several break ins, several moves, move from schools, thyroid cancer, cancer free, and a baby.   Life goes on and through it all I still haven't completed my PhD.  One thing I've realized is what is it all worth?  When it's all said and done, what is the point?  I try and try to achieve financial freedom, but things just keep happening.  Like nothing is ever right.

Looking over the issues, which are several.
Walden University:  can't keep paying for school on my own, can't afford it.  Yes, I'm close, but there are other issues that need to be dealt with financially.
Laingley:  he need things, plus I have to pay my mother back for his birth.  Did I mention save for his future?  That's a must.
medical bills:  really don't know how much that is, but it's much.  Plus, I have old bills that need to be handled
Liam:  needs a muffler really bad, don't need to drive Marybelle with Laingley
1027:  things in here need to be updated:  get rid of carpet in hallway, new counter tops, cut down tree limbs around the house

Having a new baby is something that's different and new.  Something that I've never experienced in my entire life.  Every night I melt a little, this love is so real, I can't explain how I feel.  I understand a mother's love now.  Life is so intricate and precious.  This is so real, I love this little boy with everything that I have and no one can take that away from me.  No one could have told me that this would be my reality.  Who would've thought?  Not me!  I'm learning everyday, this is an on the job training for me.  Overall, my financial obligations have changed and what I wasn't doing I need to start so this little boy can have something.

For him
Open an account and put in 100-200 a month for the next 18 years
Get more properties so when he gets older he'll have something when and if he wants
Turn in paperwork for bonds

My life
Take my time to get things organized.  I want to move the year of my turning 40, which is next year.  So, 2015-16, things should be much different and I'll be in a good place to move from this place.  It's time to be grown up.  I'm 38 years old and still not where I want to be.  It's time to grow up. I've made a decision and it's time to let school go.  Along the way, I've forgotten how to be me and the things that I want to do.  I used to enjoy life, but something happened.  No, it's not the baby.  This happened way before then.  Something sucked the life out of me.  It wasn't the cancer either.  I don't know what is was.  Life for me has changed.  Also, as for my finances, it seems that I get close and something happens.  Like there is something holding me back from financial freedom.  Maybe it's just my thoughts or me period.  It's a fight that I'm going to continue to have until I work through it.  It's has to get better and be a better way.

Tuesday, August 12, 2014

There are Blessings

Life goes on no matter what.  Bills, expenses, deaths, life, growth, hurt, pains, no matter what life goes on.  I've been looking at this thing called life and tragic as it seems, there are blessings in every aspect of it.  In my life there seems to always be an issue, the summer seems to be the biggest problem that I have.  Money always coming out, robbing Peter to pay Paul is the story of my life.  Through it all there are blessings.  Phone call after phone call, debt collectors constantly calling the house phone and cell makes me feel less of a person.  Yes, this does bother me, but at least I have income coming in.  I don't excessively spend, but no matter what there is always an issue.

September bills
mortgage 1300 since I didn't pay for August
Walden 5000

I'm just tired of trying.  Come to find out I only have 12.78 years of teaching.  30 in order to retire.  Can't pay for this Phd program on my own.  Really feel like giving up and that I think I'm going to do.  Don't know whether I'm coming or going.  Whatever I try to do lately ends of failing.  Through it all there are blessings.  I have my health, a handsome baby boy that was unexpected, I'm cancer free, a mother that loves me, a roof over my head, 2 vehicles, I could go on and on.

Even though my finances aren't what I would like them to be there are several blessings that I receive.  I'm going to say thank you for them and I'm ready to receive the ones for my future.

Sunday, August 3, 2014

Getting Older

When it rains it pours.  The summer seems to be a trying time for me yearly when it comes to finances.  I get ahead and fall back.

Things that have happened:
Liam 1200
delivery 1700
Walden 5000
overdrawn in my account

It just doesn't seem to stop.  Put the house on Oneal on HAP and it took the money that I got from my baby shower.  Did I mention that someone has my card number and tried to access it.  They ran .12 in St. Louis to see if I had money on my card.  Luckily, I was overdrawn so it didn't charge.  The perks of being overdrawn.

Now, I have to pay other things that didn't clear for the past couple of months.  For instance, my power bill it's 260, this is two months worth of payments.  Then, I got a bill from my car note stating I owe 460 and that's more than I normally pay for my car note.  What the what?  Something has to give.  Get two steps ahead and fall back so much more.

Overall, I'm healthy.  Did I mention medical bills.  I got my credit report for 1 and my score is awful.  Can't seem to get ahead.  Plus, these student loans are killing me and that's for real.

All I can do is take every day one at a time and do what needs to be done to get things in order.  Did I mention, I want to move the year of me turning 40.  That's within the 15-16 year.  Right now, I need to get everything in order so that I can make that move.

Things that need to be done:
Make a payment plan with Walden
Make a payment plan with mom
Pay off 2 things on credit report
Get Sallie Mae off my back

Life continues to move forward and it depends on how you receive it.  I'll probably be overdrawn this month too in my account.  Robbing Peter to pay Paul, can't seem to get it together.  Always money issues.  Need to keep gas in the cars, food on the table, and be able to survive for the rest of the month.  Plus, I'm on maternity leave and it's going to take money out of check because I don't have the amount of days.  See, it just doesn't stop.  Where there's a will there's a way.

Marybelle only has 15 months left before she's paid off that's a good thing.  Once that's done, that money can go toward something else.  The life of an adult.  You gotta love it!