It's all Me

It's no one else, but me!  I've been in the same place for the last however many years and I'm tired of this.  So close, but no horseshoes.  Have so many plans and nothings works.  Because I am the source of the problem.  There are so many things of interest to me, but I fight against the machine.  I'm growing and changing and need to stay focused on the most important thing.  My baby and getting out of this debt that I have accumulated over all these years.  The closer I get the further it seems to achieve my goals.

Student loans are not the major concern anymore, it is these credit cards.  I was on a roll last year and now, they are a problem.  Pay them down and after that, Obgyn and Associates (which they will not separate this debt).  Nothing beats a failure, but a try.  That I am doing is trying.

Along this journey, I forgot who I was, the things I am interested in, and what brings me joy.  Having this little boy has been interesting and sad all at the same time.  Many times, I don't know that I'm doing a good job!  I try to give him what is needed and be the love that keeps him going.  Is that enough, can I be enough for him?  Can I give him all the tools that he needs to be a successful young man?

Goals
house lifted
house painted
carpet (flooring taken up in front room, kitchen, and dining room
cabinets, counter tops replaced (back splash)
Marybelle (tail light, casing on side, headliner replaced)
Move 3/4 bedroom 2/3 bathroom 2 car garage and a fireplace

Debt
Obgyn and Associates
Fed Loan Servicing
Valic
Navient

The age of 42 is a life learning experience.  I've never been married, but I am glad that I have lived to see what life can bring you.  At this juncture of life, I've had cancer, a baby, lived in the hood, been an educator, started and didn't complete a PhD program, accumulated a ton of debt, landlord, I can go on and on, but I am still here.  With all of that said, it has been a journey that I am proud to be on.  Now, I am tired.  I have made a way when there has been none.  Stayed above water, when in my mind, I was draining.

Yes, I want to give up from time to time, but I don't!  I carry on, now, I will say, I don't interact often, but I know how to stay in my line.  It's time to get my life back.  There are no rewinds, regardless.  Seeing the forest for the trees is a major concern for me.  Know that I can accomplish anything is what is scary.  Talking a good game is much of my problem.  There are so many things that I love, but don't do.  Is it because I am afraid of success.  In real life, I am better for others than myself.  It really is sad.

Working on being a better person to myself is my key to building my own success.  I've starting thinning and throwing away.  It starts from within.  Most of my posts are rambles, I know, but it's time.  Yoga, exercising, healthy eating, games, travel, loving him are all things that are important to me.  Making sure he has much love and life!

Retirement is near and I have what it takes to be ready for this life change.  Being in the 3rd stage of life (dedication, contemplation, and benevolence:  Adulthood, Mature Adulthood, and Midlife) is something serious.  My thoughts and interests aren't like others.  I tend to wonder why is my life like this, what did I do to have this?  Those are not questions I should be asking, but what can I do to make my life better, my babies life better?

Most of my posts are scattered as my mind.  They give me something to look back on and make better decisions and choices.  I am fine, we are fine!  Trust and know that nothing is all for not!

New Year, Same Old Thing

Happy Happy New Year!  There are so many good and not so good things going on.  Let's see my credit score has dropped something serious.  I have paid off Marybelle, that's $450 to debt.  Things are working themselves out.  2015 was a different year for me.  Having to adjust to being a new mom says it all.  I never thought this would be my reality, but it is.

Looking back over all the years.  The fun, sex, relationships, useless things that have gone and really didn't mean anything.  What was the purpose?  Back then, I should have been an international traveler.  Instead of trying to have all the sex, or make this relationship work.  I should have been purchasing real estate and filling up my passport.  Which by the way, I haven't gotten the first stamp in it.  Go figure.

Being 40 has made me realize many things about myself.

• loner
• kind
• giver
• caring
• emotional
• lovely
• adventurer

Just to name of few.  Right now, of course, I am where I thought I wouldn't be.  Living in one of my rental properties understanding that it is time to move on to something else.  

What have I been doing to make things better?

• pay off student loans prior to 1995 so I can get teacher loan forgiveness
• 1638 and 3600
• contact private loans that are with collection agency to see about updating credit information
• working on getting house ready for when I move
• paying off credit cards 
• pay off medical bills
• save something monthly

Last year was really different.  Getting adjusted and making sure that I had enough.  Losing myself and now trying to get her back has been a journey.  Also, yesterday, my new furnace got put in, that was $1400.  Not thinking that I deserve better has been an issue, but overall I been staying above water.  

This credit score has dropped below 600 and that's truly sad.  Wanted and needing to move is something that is seriously on my to-do list.  Having this baby has really put many things in perspective.  Also, like I stated earlier, so much time, energy, and money wasted on worldly items.  Where did it get me, not where I thought I would or should be.  

Another thing, not graduating with a Phd has done something to me.  All of this student loan debt and to not have a degree, what a waste of time, energy, and other peoples money.  Now, what do I do?  Suck it up and make a change, where change is due.  

Today, I will write a letter to the credit agencies where these default student loans are and see about making a payment arrangement to bring these debts current and put them in good standing.  It seems I'm always robbing Peter to pay Paul, but I'm here and I'm making it, is all that matters.  

Not going to worry about past decisions, or mistakes.  All I can do is stay current and make it better.  Swimming in debt will not be my future.  Things will get better and I'm determined to do it.  

Dripping Like a Running Nose

There have been many things going on:
Baby Showers
House Warming
Many other gift giving events

For me:
Fascia board replaced
Tree Limbs removed off back of house
mother's day gifts several
dropped my phone again today

Credit score dropped.  I did get a refund from the bank issue.  Life happens as always.  I'm a worrier and this baby has only made it worse.  My emotions are all over the place.  Maybe it's the baby, maybe it's my thyroid, maybe it's my life.  I don't know, but regardless, I have to get it under control.

Cutting into my savings, I am almost at $1000, that's not good.  Now, I need to replace that money that was taken out.  It's going to take time to make that happen.  Been seriously thinking about selling Liam.  That money could go to paying off Marybelle.  In the meantime, Marybelle is having issues.  That's crazy still paying off the car and having issues with it.

As of today, no more money coming out.  Unless, it has to do with food or an emergency comes up.  Also, tithes.  Things will be fine, I don't believe that all the time, but I know it will.

Next steps
Flooring fixed
Another tree limbs cut down
Bulb replaced and cover on Marybelle

Overall, I am glad that I have been able to handle all of the responsibilities.  Having this baby has made me view life much differently.  I'm able to take care of him and my other obligations as well.  I am so thankful.  I could not have ever imagined that this would be my life, but it's mine and I love it.

I will be fine!

It Gets Worse Before It Gets Better

Yes, I have been spending money.  No, it's been on need things.  Not all of it, but there are things I have gotten done.  For instance, I got the beams in the front on the house replaced.  That was really needed.  I haven't been cooking haven't felt like it.  There's something going on, and I don't know what it is.  I am not comfortable in my house and looking forward to being just that comfortable. 

My credit score has dropped lower than it what.  I do believe that it will be a quick fix.  Last year, I took out a personal loan to pay for school being that I have exhausted all chances of financial aid.  I am currently still in school and this should (I hope be deferred).  Once that is handled the score will go back up. 

There are several debts that have been paid off.  Now that there is no financial aid for me, I have to pay for school on my own.  It's really not that bad, but $2,000 every 4 months is alright.  At the same time pay off debt as well as eliminate it.  We will see how this cookie is going to crumble. 

Walden $2,500 per term June-September
mortgage $650
Roku (Netflix and Hulu Plus) $ 21.00
TMobile $150
Charter $65
Water
Power
Gas
$650 on credit report
medical $1064

It seems that the more you cut back, the more comes your way.  I have no more cable, disconnected several things that I didn't need.  I've been selling things are Craigslist and using that money to pay off a debt.  I even bought a piggy bank and that change goes toward debt.  I have said it before and will continue to as long as I am not financially stable.  As long as I owe, the money I make isn't mine.  Of course, I must sustain myself, but the excessive spending has to stop somewhere.  In the meantime, continue to grow in comfort in my home. 

Did I mention:
Hose on Liam, heavy noise
Marybelle  new tires

It's always something.  That's what one would call living!  There are still several things that could be sold and I will continue to do that.  I did sell a box spring and mattress today.  So things are working themselves out. 

I also thought that I have been teaching for 14 years coming up and it's time that I decide what the next few years are going to bring. 

Continue to do Good Works

Things are moving an the right direction and I am so proud of my accomplishments.  I received my tax return yesterday and I am making moves toward paying off old debts.  To be honest, I was excited in the morning when I realized that my tax return was in my account.  As the day progressed sadness reared its ugly face.  This was due to understanding that that money would soon be gone.  At least it is going toward old bills that have been hovering over my head for a few years.  One of the first things I paid was Knology I owed $103 to them, next, I paid First Premier, which is my credit card.  I paid the entire debt which was $380.  I also paid for my mortgage.  Greentree is the worst mortgage company that I have dealt with.  My mortgage was sold to them and I truly don't like the company.  Whenever I call, I always get the same person.  My paperwork says that my mortgage payment is $405, but they say it's $600.  I don't what to believe.  Try not to get a mortgage with Greentree, because they are the worst. 

Overall, I am proud of my achievements and really looking forward to getting in a better place with my finances.  No, I am not perfect.  I am human living and having a human experience.  I make mistakes and know that things can only get better.  What I am thinking, I will take out a secured loan for $1,000 and pay it off.  That will help to bring up my credit scores.  The only thing they can do is go up.  This is the worst my scores have ever been and I am looking forward to seeing the progress of growth for my credit scores. 

Things to do:

1. Write letters to the credit bureaus pertaining to the debts I have paid and the old debts that are older than 7 years, they need to be removed.
2. Continue to pay for debts so that my credit scores will go up
3. Make an appointment with my credit counselor to see my progress and what are my next steps
4. Go to the bank and take out a secured loan for $1,000.  This will help increase my scores
5. Save, save, and save some more.  Work toward always have at least $3,000 in the bank at all times
6. Eliminate as much as I can and put that money toward outstanding debts. 
7. Clean out the refrigerators in storage and put them on Craigslist
8. Get rid of my storage unit that will save $50+ a month because I am always late
9. Put all bills on automatic bill pay so that bills will continue to get paid
10. Get rid of my wireless card, that will cut my cell phone bill down at least $50 a month
11. Find a house phone that will work with my alarm system that is cheaper than my current bill

These are all great things to do and I am looking forward to making progress.  It takes small steps that turn into big steps.  With the motivation and guidance that I receiving, I will be able to obtain financial success.  First, I must believe in myself and put my best foot forward at all times.  I can do it, the road my be long and hard, but with the help of the Lord, all things are possible. 

If it's not One Thing It's Another

In my last post, I stated that things are not as bad as they once were. Now, I am begging to differ. Currently, there is a tax lien on my credit report that I was not aware of. Also, there are two undergraduate student loans that need to be paid off so I can qualify for the teacher loan forgiveness program. There can not be any loans prior to 1998 to be able to receive this forgiveness.

Day before yesterday I found out that I didn't meet the requirements to receive financial aid for this term. Turning lemons into lemonade. Not getting financial aid will cut down on the amount of money I will owe once I complete my PhD. On the other hand, this is $4,310 that could be going to something else. The world and it's occurances are something. There are actually three terms in one year. That totals $12,930 a year. I keep telling myself, this is money and interest I do not have to pay out once I am finished.

Credit Reports

Since finding out this news, my mind has been going a million miles a minute trying to sort out my plan of action to pay off my debts. Yesterday, I pulled my credit report and found that I have a 587, 635, and 635. My scores are better than they were without the tax lien.

This is my plan of action:

Pay $2,000 a month of debts for the next year. This will total $24,000. Using that money will allow me to pay off the tax lien in three months. Starting in September, it will be paid off by December. Through it all, I am going to continue paying something on Wachovia and US Dept of Education.

Life Happens

Life happens and it is all up to me to make sure I stay afloat. It is so easy to give up and just fall victim. I refuse to be a victim to my debt. Giving up vacations to pay off debt is a sacrifice and I am willing to sacrifice that money to have financial freedom. Another thing, I have $54,000 in school debt. The funny thing about that is I make about this much yearly.

Overall, I am somewhat saddened by not receiving financial aid. This is the outcome of not doing what is needed at the moment. Thinking about my life and how I have wasted time, energy, and money by not doing something when it needed to be done. No longer can I do that to myself. I am tired of doing this to myself and my money. Maturity is taking place and I am proud to say I am ready for the changes to occur in my life. Sacrifice is what is taking place in my life. I am ready for the changes and the debt will be handled.