Monday, April 18, 2016

It's a Journey to be Filled with Accomplishments

This financial journey is not the easiest one to be on.  I'll be the first to admit that!  It's a roller coaster, filled with ups and down, flips and flops, curves, and slides, but it is all worth it.  It seems that it isn't but it is.  As you know, my biggest issue is all of this student loan debt that I have accumulated over the last years and still haven't completed this PhD, go figure.  In my mind, I'm over it, but I know this is something that I need to complete one way or another.  I do know that my topic will have to be started all over due to the program not being in use anymore.  Knowing what I know now, I may not have consolidated my loans because they fall off after 20 years.  Never was told that!

Working on getting the house in order.  Still need to get the last 2 rooms redone plus the hallway and I'll be finished with the back of the house.  Then to the kitchen.  It's a work in progress and I can do it.  When the dust settles, I will inquire about refinancing my house.  When that is done, all I will have to do is pay for 15 more years instead of 20.  The house will be paid for by the time my baby is 15.  That will be a complete blessing. 

Paying things off seems to be the story of my life.  Never seem to get there.  Always something.

Medical:  5,683 (200 a month)
Walden:  6,597 (75 a month)
Navient:  10,429 (75 month)
      11,162 (25 month)
Fed Loan Serv:  172,475 (25 month)

By the end of the month the medical will be down to $4083, I may put half of it toward that debt.  Depending on how things are looking at the end of the year.  Walden should be paid off by December 2017.  The goal is to eliminate as much of this debt as I can and still not accumulated anymore.  That will be the hard part.  Looking at the debt like this makes me feel great that I can see it, but knowing that I did this to myself makes me feel some kind of way.  Hindsight is 20/20. 
Having the Mini Cooper is great, but now that I have this little boy, it is a little too small for the both of us.  Really looking into getting a new vehicle at the end of the month.  Paying cash for it, no more than $12,000 I want to spend.  Also, was supposed to go to the salvage yard today to see about getting rid of Liam.  He's been in the front yard since last year.  It's time to let go. 

In my mind, that will be the start of letting go of many other things in my life.  I feel stifled, holding on to past things that serve no purpose in my life.  Let go of things that wish me no good, because I am blocking blessings. 

Monday, March 28, 2016

Life Goes on no Matter What

Here I am!  That is something that I am so glad to be.  You live and learn and that's what I've been doing.  Beating myself up over past mistakes, decisions, choices, anything.  Overall, just not happy with my life.  That is so sad!  What can I do?  Except my life and move on, because time waits for no man.  I realize that over all of these years, I have wasted so much time, money, and energy.  Where would I be if I saved more money than I spent?  Not in this place.

Beating myself up is something that I do on a daily basis.  Most of the time I compare myself to others and I know that is not what God intended for any of us.  No one can walk in another's shoes.  Everyone has a different path to follow and what is for me is for me only.

As for My Financial Success, it has been a constant struggle, from student loans to other issues, I can't seem to win for losing.

Things that need to be handled
Land Rover sitting in front yard since last year
student loan debt 172,000
other student loans 30,000
credit scores  576 and 585

Things that I'm working on
getting house situated:  2 bedrooms painted, carpet taken up, hardwood under carpet
hallway:  carpet taken up, floor done
kitchen:  cabinets replaced, new counter top, flooring
new bedroom set

Where did I go wrong?  Not putting money to good use, not enjoying life.  I don't try to live like the Jones', but sometimes I feel I don't deserve things.  Right now, I am working on putting my money to good use.  Also, having this little boy has changed my life for the good.  I actually have saved money for him, that I should have been saving for myself a long time ago.  What changes life will bring.

Working on bringing up my credit scores.  Paying things off one at a time.  I learned something, I shouldn't have consolidated my loans, I had 2 to fall off due to them being 20 years old.  Go figure!

Something that I have learned, I am not my credit score.  Having a good one does seem to help make life a little better.

Wednesday, January 13, 2016

New Year, Same Old Thing

Happy Happy New Year!  There are so many good and not so good things going on.  Let's see my credit score has dropped something serious.  I have paid off Marybelle, that's $450 to debt.  Things are working themselves out.  2015 was a different year for me.  Having to adjust to being a new mom says it all.  I never thought this would be my reality, but it is.

Looking back over all the years.  The fun, sex, relationships, useless things that have gone and really didn't mean anything.  What was the purpose?  Back then, I should have been an international traveler.  Instead of trying to have all the sex, or make this relationship work.  I should have been purchasing real estate and filling up my passport.  Which by the way, I haven't gotten the first stamp in it.  Go figure.

Being 40 has made me realize many things about myself.

  • loner
  • kind
  • giver
  • caring
  • emotional
  • lovely
  • adventurer
Just to name of few.  Right now, of course, I am where I thought I wouldn't be.  Living in one of my rental properties understanding that it is time to move on to something else.  

What have I been doing to make things better?
  • pay off student loans prior to 1995 so I can get teacher loan forgiveness
    • 1638 and 3600
  • contact private loans that are with collection agency to see about updating credit information
  • working on getting house ready for when I move
  • paying off credit cards 
  • pay off medical bills
  • save something monthly
Last year was really different.  Getting adjusted and making sure that I had enough.  Losing myself and now trying to get her back has been a journey.  Also, yesterday, my new furnace got put in, that was $1400.  Not thinking that I deserve better has been an issue, but overall I been staying above water.  

This credit score has dropped below 600 and that's truly sad.  Wanted and needing to move is something that is seriously on my to-do list.  Having this baby has really put many things in perspective.  Also, like I stated earlier, so much time, energy, and money wasted on worldly items.  Where did it get me, not where I thought I would or should be.  

Another thing, not graduating with a Phd has done something to me.  All of this student loan debt and to not have a degree, what a waste of time, energy, and other peoples money.  Now, what do I do?  Suck it up and make a change, where change is due.  

Today, I will write a letter to the credit agencies where these default student loans are and see about making a payment arrangement to bring these debts current and put them in good standing.  It seems I'm always robbing Peter to pay Paul, but I'm here and I'm making it, is all that matters.  

Not going to worry about past decisions, or mistakes.  All I can do is stay current and make it better.  Swimming in debt will not be my future.  Things will get better and I'm determined to do it.  

Sunday, July 26, 2015

Life is Really Different

As I lay here I am thinking that my thoughts, actions, place of interest have changed.  Does it have something to do with the little one or my place in life period?  Who knows, but for whatever it's worth, they have changed.  Along with a few other things.  My thoughts are on retirement, as I am closer to ending than beginning.  Who would have figured?  Not I said the cat, but it is slowly appearing.  There are ends that need to be tied up, things that need to be handled.  Chaos is my friend and I don't know how to shake him.  He's always there lurking in the corner on the floor, just chaos.  These are things that I have brought on myself, fixing them or getting a handle of them is the first step.

Interested in learning about the stock market, wanting to diversify my portfolio and get a handle on my and his finances.  This summer I neglected a few debts.  My fault, not because I didn't have the money, just didn't pay.  Go figure.  August is going to be filled with catching up and replacing money.

Things needed to do
Get carpet taken up in hallway replaced with wood or pargo (spelled)
Candle room painted
Central heat fixed
Flooring in kitchen
Door candle room
Door hallway

Pay car note
Call Navient
Credit score situated
Sell Land Rover
Get Mini fixed
Refinance house

I am closer to retiring and there is so much that I haven't done.  Looking into investing, learning some new things.  There are many years left, God willing and I need to get things in order.  Now is the time to begin.  Take it slow and sort out my money.  Mutual funds, stocks, things of that nature.  Work with me as I learn.  I'm going to take it slow.

Friday, June 12, 2015

Do I Deserve Anything?

As I sit and wonder about my life and the things I've accomplished and haven't.  I wonder do I deserve anything better than the things I have achieved?  Wanting so much more for myself and the baby, but life is hard and the pickles I have gotten myself into make me wonder.  

It seems I try all for nothing!

There's a Land Rover that is not functioning anymore that needs to be sold
A house that needs to be rented
A house that I live in that needs to be fixed, the mortgage is too much and I'm ready to move
A dissertation that needs to be written, but I can't afford it because I have exhausted my financial aid
Mini Cooper that is almost paid for, but has several issues

This is the story of my life.  It seems so hard, but it really doesn't have to be.  Issues on top of issues keep coming out of no where and the main objective is to stay afloat.  There are things that need to be done, but there's something in me that says self sabotage is the best option.

Cancel insurance on Land Rover, waste of money
Rent out house
Clean my house
Get grass cut
Get caught up on student loans
Put back money that I have taken out

Looking at my house, it's depressing, it needs to be organized and cleaned, but it's mine.  The neighborhood is crazy and I want so much better for him, he deserves it and I do too, don't I?

It is hard to save money and there is so much that I have wasted and blown over the years.  Now, it's do or die.

Save $7,000 a year
Save enough money to move next year
Get credit score higher so I can move
Believe I deserve everything that I want and desire

In a couple of months I will be 40 years of age and it is a blessing to have seen 39 wonderful, but challenging years.  It only gets better, right?  That's what I'm hoping.  I've made it through some trying times, and I do believe I'm here for a reason.  What I need to understand is I'm worth everything that I want.  Plus, this baby deserves more.

If not today, Monday, I will go in and cancel my insurance for the Land Rover.  Also, before the end of the month the house will be rented.  Plus, my house will be kinda clean.  You read that, kinda clean.  I will also call to get my grass cut.  As a matter of fact, I'll make that call now when I finish writing this.

In all honesty, I'm at the half way point in my life and at some point I gave up on myself and my life.  I don't know if it was the break up, break ins, thyroid cancer, survival, situation, or the baby, but life for me changed drastically.  My emotions have been a roller coaster.  Sometimes, I don't know whether I'm coming or going.
Finances are another aspect of my life.  It gets good and then bad.  The worse part of my finances are the student loans.  There has to be something else and this has to get better.  These student loans will not get the best of me.  It does make me sad.

This is my life and it will get better.  I do believe in myself.

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