Sunday, July 26, 2015

Life is Really Different

As I lay here I am thinking that my thoughts, actions, place of interest have changed.  Does it have something to do with the little one or my place in life period?  Who knows, but for whatever it's worth, they have changed.  Along with a few other things.  My thoughts are on retirement, as I am closer to ending than beginning.  Who would have figured?  Not I said the cat, but it is slowly appearing.  There are ends that need to be tied up, things that need to be handled.  Chaos is my friend and I don't know how to shake him.  He's always there lurking in the corner on the floor, just chaos.  These are things that I have brought on myself, fixing them or getting a handle of them is the first step.

Interested in learning about the stock market, wanting to diversify my portfolio and get a handle on my and his finances.  This summer I neglected a few debts.  My fault, not because I didn't have the money, just didn't pay.  Go figure.  August is going to be filled with catching up and replacing money.

Things needed to do
Get carpet taken up in hallway replaced with wood or pargo (spelled)
Candle room painted
Central heat fixed
Flooring in kitchen
Countertop
Door candle room
Door hallway

Pay car note
Call Navient
Credit score situated
Sell Land Rover
Get Mini fixed
Refinance house

I am closer to retiring and there is so much that I haven't done.  Looking into investing, learning some new things.  There are many years left, God willing and I need to get things in order.  Now is the time to begin.  Take it slow and sort out my money.  Mutual funds, stocks, things of that nature.  Work with me as I learn.  I'm going to take it slow.

Friday, June 12, 2015

Do I Deserve Anything?


As I sit and wonder about my life and the things I've accomplished and haven't.  I wonder do I deserve anything better than the things I have achieved?  Wanting so much more for myself and the baby, but life is hard and the pickles I have gotten myself into make me wonder.  


It seems I try all for nothing!

There's a Land Rover that is not functioning anymore that needs to be sold
A house that needs to be rented
A house that I live in that needs to be fixed, the mortgage is too much and I'm ready to move
A dissertation that needs to be written, but I can't afford it because I have exhausted my financial aid
Mini Cooper that is almost paid for, but has several issues

This is the story of my life.  It seems so hard, but it really doesn't have to be.  Issues on top of issues keep coming out of no where and the main objective is to stay afloat.  There are things that need to be done, but there's something in me that says self sabotage is the best option.

Cancel insurance on Land Rover, waste of money
Rent out house
Clean my house
Get grass cut
Get caught up on student loans
Put back money that I have taken out

Looking at my house, it's depressing, it needs to be organized and cleaned, but it's mine.  The neighborhood is crazy and I want so much better for him, he deserves it and I do too, don't I?

It is hard to save money and there is so much that I have wasted and blown over the years.  Now, it's do or die.

Save $7,000 a year
Save enough money to move next year
Get credit score higher so I can move
Believe I deserve everything that I want and desire

In a couple of months I will be 40 years of age and it is a blessing to have seen 39 wonderful, but challenging years.  It only gets better, right?  That's what I'm hoping.  I've made it through some trying times, and I do believe I'm here for a reason.  What I need to understand is I'm worth everything that I want.  Plus, this baby deserves more.

If not today, Monday, I will go in and cancel my insurance for the Land Rover.  Also, before the end of the month the house will be rented.  Plus, my house will be kinda clean.  You read that, kinda clean.  I will also call to get my grass cut.  As a matter of fact, I'll make that call now when I finish writing this.

In all honesty, I'm at the half way point in my life and at some point I gave up on myself and my life.  I don't know if it was the break up, break ins, thyroid cancer, survival, situation, or the baby, but life for me changed drastically.  My emotions have been a roller coaster.  Sometimes, I don't know whether I'm coming or going.
Finances are another aspect of my life.  It gets good and then bad.  The worse part of my finances are the student loans.  There has to be something else and this has to get better.  These student loans will not get the best of me.  It does make me sad.

This is my life and it will get better.  I do believe in myself.

Monday, June 1, 2015

Reviewing Things

As I think about my life I am truly blessed.  I am still here.  Once upon a time I had this spirit that would do whatever I wanted whenever I wanted, that girl left.  Where she went, I don't know.  The thing that is crazy are the decisions that I made really weren't the best.  True, what goes up most come down, that I completely understand.

Bad decisions
Liam should have been sold a long time ago, now I don't know if I'll be able to get rid of him.
Marybelle, it rains in her, I can't use the key to unlock the door, and now my seats will not move.
My house, in a neighborhood that's all I say, cost to much, interest rate high

On the other hand, I was able to do all of these things.  Now that 40 is coming fast, I feel that there are several things I should have done, but didn't do.  It's not the best feeling.  One thing I can say is I have learned from my mistakes and all I can do is try to make them better.

It's the summer time and there are things I want to do.
Laingley's 1st birthday party
take a trip in July
get house together
take a mommy and me swim class
take him to the beach

All of this takes money, did I mention that I dropped my phone again.  It never fails, there is always something.  On a brighter note, I do feel better about myself.  I've decided to do the things that I have failed to do.  For instance, take a drawing class.  I also want to take sign language.

I'm taking one day at a time, that's all I can do.  Tomorrow isn't promised I know, but I have to make the most of it.  I've gotten over myself and I must stay that way.  

Thursday, May 21, 2015

Spending Spending Spending

Do I set up a payment plan with Navient or do I just let the loan do what it's going to do?  That is the question of the day.  I have the money in my other account, but it is already below what I started with.  I've paid my mom and a few other things.  To be honest, I'm glad of the things that I've accomplished, but there are goals set.

Navient (student loans)
To be honest, I really don't understand why student loans have to be such a bother.  Yes, I needed the loans to help pay for school.  Yes, they did what they needed to do.  Yes, I understand that they have to be paid back.  What I don't understand is the harassment that one has to endure when owing them.  It is awful and I'm sad that I was in a position to need loans in order to afford school.  Also, the interest rates are ridiculous.  No matter what, they have to be paid off.  I will make a call to set up a payment plan.  It's not in the cards, but it has to be done, no matter what.

Due to the student loan issues, my credit score has been dropping, slowly, but surely.  Trouble don't last always.

Things to do today
Get Liam $545.00, found out that he needs a new motor, that's not in my budget.  Either pay $4,000 for motor replacement or $1,887.55 for issues and that's not guaranteed that the problem will be fixed.  So, it's time to let it go.  I have to pay for the repairs and it's still not going to work.  Very very sad I know, the story of my life it seems.  On another note, once Liam is sold, I'll put that money toward paying off Marybelle.  I'm asking $3000, but under the circumstances, I'll take $2,000.  Putting $1,000 toward Marybelle will make me owe less of course.  I'll have it paid off sooner.  Once she's paid off she'll get sold too.  I'm ready to let things go and move forward.

I have been spending unnecessarily, but I have been getting things for the baby.  When the winter comes, he will not need anything.  I'm glad of that.  I found Thredup.com, a second hand store that offers clothes for babies and adults.  That's going to be my go to, plus JCPenney's for my babies clothes.  I have to have enough for all times.  You never know what will happen.

For the next few weeks I have to have enough.  June is coming fast.  Make sure my bills are paid.  Have enough money for gas and be able to put back what I've taken.  It seems, I never have enough.  Robbing Peter to pay Paul isn't a good look in this time and age of my life.

Things I Am Going to Do
Pay off Marybelle
Get floor fixed in house
Get student loans under control
Increase credit score
Move
Put back what I've taken away
Continue to put money away for him

June
mortgage
car note
student loans
cruise money (200)
babies party
credit card (First Premier and JCPenney's)
take baby to the beach

I see me, I see my life, I see my struggles, I see my successes, I see my pains, I see who I am, I see what I'm capable of, I see me.  The issues are real and able to be handled, I'll make it through.  Yes, I can.

Wednesday, May 20, 2015

Life

Life is what you make it and I think I'm going to make it better.  I posted Liam on Craigslist because there are several things wrong with him.  It's so sad, but I am in a state of letting go.  Letting go of my past and making better decisions.  It has to get better.  First, I have to pay $540 to get him out of the shop and there are other issues.  He may need another engine.  I feel so sorry for him, but life does go on.

Called yesterday to inquire about consolidation.  That was a very good call.  I went to studentloans.gov and signed up to consolidate my student loans.  What's very interesting about my case is that I have loans prior to 1995.  With that being said, I should be able to get a loan reduction for working on Title I schools.  Since this is my case, no loan reduction for me until those loans are paid in full.  I had those loans isolated so I can pay those off individually.  Looking forward to getting that done.

This month has been full of money coming out, but I'm glad to say I have actually gotten many things done.  I've been in a rut and it's time to get out of it.  Doing what is right by myself and my baby is all that is important.  When someone is constantly asking for me to help them, that is taking away from me and my baby.  More or less robbing us blind.

I want so much more for him.  A better house, in a better neighborhood.  I deserve that and so does he.  Even if I have to move away from my mom.  I just feel safer being closer to her.  I'm grown and have to let go of those strings.

One day at a time is all it takes.  Just one, one day at a time!  Continue to do what's right.  Make better choices and put money where it will work best.  Let go of my past mistakes and never look back.  That's how accidents happen, looking back.

Fifteen years, there are so many things that can happen during that time.  You blink and that time has passed.

Things that need to happen
Continue paying off student loans so they don't go into default
Refinance house so it'll be paid off in 15 years
Move to a better neighborhood
Continue to cut back
Get Oneal Street rented out
Trees cut in backyard
Floors fixed/replaced
Paint side room
Continue to thin house out

I'm old enough now to realize my errors and how to make them better.  I've cut back enough that I can really see the difference in my income.  My baby is going to grow and get bigger and more money is going to come out.  That's one reason why I must make better choices.  I had a large amount of money and due to paying things off that has been dwindling down.  I still have a little extra, but not what I once had.  Here's the opportunity to make up what was once there.  In due time, it's alright and I know it is.

Monday, May 18, 2015

Making Subtle Changes

Coming to terms with my reality has been a learning lesson and a bunch of other things.  I have been thinking seriously about letting go of both vehicles.  That means selling them both.  The Land Rover (Liam) needs some work and so does the Mini Cooper (Marybelle).  Something has to give.  We need something that we can fit in comfortably, low gas mileage, and can serve the purpose of us.  What kind of car would that be?  I don't know, but I know I want to pay cash for whatever that may be.  At the same time the house needs to be repaired.  I did get a few things done a couple of weeks ago.  There are still several things that need attention.  The only thing I can do is take one thing at a time.

See what's wrong with the flooring
Get another tree limbs cut (from in neighbors yard)

The major thing is reduction, getting rid of things that aren't needed anymore.  My how the pendulum has shifted.

As for the flooring, he's going to have to go under the house to see what the problem is and we go from there.  I have to have enough to survive.

Going to have Liam towed today to see what's wrong with him.  The towing is free and the consultation is too.  That's good, now to see how much it's going to cost to get him fixed.  Once he's fixed, I will not drive Marybelle for a while until I have enough to get the seats repaired.  I only owe $3283 on Marybelle.  I'm so ready to be done with that monthly bill.  See what a mid-life crisis will do for you.  Bad choices.

During my break:
Get Liam towed
Call student loan companies to see about consolidation and cutting late months
Call First Premier to get another card
Call Greentree to find out about getting rid of 6 missed payments on account

Student loans
I have them, misused them and took them for granted.  I'm here now.  Do I need to finish my PhD program?  Yes.  Do I have the money?  No.  When I finish, my pay will increase by about $12,000 a year.  That's about $1000 a month.  That would be great.  Right now, I don't see how this can be done.

Where there's a will, there's a way.  I will continue to pay what I can on these debts and move forward.  Going to call today to see what I can do to get these things under control.  This is the reason why my credit scores are having a hard time.  Live and learn.

I'll admit, I have been down on myself lately and don't know where to turn to make things better.  What I do know is I don't need to create any more debt.  Get out of the debt I have.  Move forward and make things better for the long run. I'll be just fine, we'll be just fine.  I believe in myself and this journey that I am on.  The first steps are knowing and second is doing something about it.  Focus on the problem and make it work.

I got this.  Sometimes it seems I don't, but it will all work itself out.  Trust!

Wednesday, May 13, 2015

Dripping Like a Running Nose

There have been many things going on:
Baby Showers
House Warming
Many other gift giving events

For me:
Fascia board replaced
Tree Limbs removed off back of house
mother's day gifts several
dropped my phone again today

Credit score dropped.  I did get a refund from the bank issue.  Life happens as always.  I'm a worrier and this baby has only made it worse.  My emotions are all over the place.  Maybe it's the baby, maybe it's my thyroid, maybe it's my life.  I don't know, but regardless, I have to get it under control.

Cutting into my savings, I am almost at $1000, that's not good.  Now, I need to replace that money that was taken out.  It's going to take time to make that happen.  Been seriously thinking about selling Liam.  That money could go to paying off Marybelle.  In the meantime, Marybelle is having issues.  That's crazy still paying off the car and having issues with it.

As of today, no more money coming out.  Unless, it has to do with food or an emergency comes up.  Also, tithes.  Things will be fine, I don't believe that all the time, but I know it will.

Next steps
Flooring fixed
Another tree limbs cut down
Bulb replaced and cover on Marybelle

Overall, I am glad that I have been able to handle all of the responsibilities.  Having this baby has made me view life much differently.  I'm able to take care of him and my other obligations as well.  I am so thankful.  I could not have ever imagined that this would be my life, but it's mine and I love it.

I will be fine!

Monday, May 11, 2015

I Got This

Of course, life keeps happening whether I'm with it or not.  The other day, I got pulled over because my tail light is blown and busted.  How long has it been this way?  For years, but it's time to get on the good foot and make things right.  No, I didn't get a ticket, I got a warning which was a blessing and I completely receive it.  The next thing that happened.  I was overdrawn in my account.  Why?  Nelnet took too much money out of my account.  It probably was my fault, but it wasn't right.  The manager wasn't acting concerned about it.  It took a teller to assist with the situation.  If it was up to the manager, Nelnet would have refunded my money, that would have taken 4-6 weeks.  This made me have to go into the savings which I'm already down due to paying my mother.  It's alright, I've been blessed tremendously and I am thankful.

Currently, I am working on my home.  I'm glad that I have the funds to get it repaired.  My fascia board is really bad, over the years, squirrels have been chewing and making it look awful.  By the time I get off work, it will be fixed.  Yes, to that.

Also, my house had a gas leak.  The gas company come and turned the gas off at the heating unit.  It doesn't have to be fixed until the fall.  That'll give me some time to get that done.

Next things
Flooring inside house (front room, kitchen)
House painted
Trees cut around the house

My cars
Liam repaired (towed)
Marybelle tail light and cover, seats fixed, headliner

No matter what, life is going to happen.  It's a matter of how it is handled.  I'll admit, I haven't been on my Ps and Qs, but there is always a season.  It's the season to get things done.  I have a plan and I am going to make it work.  I listen to many adults and I am proud to say that I'm going to be just fine.  No matter what, I got this.  Many times, it doesn't seem like it.  I get down and out because I want help, someone to come and sweep me off of my feet and handle all of my responsibilities.  That isn't my reality.  In the meantime, these things have to get done.  It feels good when my business it taken care of.

Plus, I have a little boy that I must take care of.  He's here to stay, no matter what.  The house is in disarray, there is only time to get it together.  Also, I have to get my car cleaned, it is awful.  This is my life and I got this.  It feels like I don't from time to time and I do feel like I'm going to lose it, but again, that's life.  I deserve a standing ovation, pat on the back, something, but I'll give it to myself.

When things get tough, wipe it off and keep it moving.  I'm going to be alright.

Things to do
Continue paying student loans
Save money, save money, save money

I'm alright all I need to know is that!

Monday, May 4, 2015

Never Could I Ever

Never would I have thought my life would be like this.  Single mother, living in the hood, foreclosure, car issues.  Never would I have thought this would be my life, well it is.  Things could be worse, but my choices have led me to this point in my life.  Letting go of people and situations can and will make my life much better.  Getting through it seems to be the issue.  No, it doesn't feel good.  How can I make it better.  Pray, not hold on to the past, forgive myself and let live.  All of these things are easier said than do.  I've paid off two things that have appeared on my credit report one was for $80 and the other $58.  I'm glad that I'm able to handle these debts.

Now, the student loans, the are really a bother.  I wasn't saying that when my schooling was being paid for.  Don't want this for my son.  It's truly crazy.  The lowest loan is for $1794 and the highest is $16,987.  I owe more than $150,000 in student loans.  I said it and I probably said it before.  This is awful.

In the meantime, I want to save $100,000 in a fifteen years.  In order to do that I must save $555.55 a month to total 6,666.67 a year.  Can this be done?  I think so, it's a matter of doing what's right and not falling short of that.  No extras.  At the same time, I have this debt that must be paid off.

Something that is good is my car will be paid off by the end of the year.  That means an extra $450 will be added to my monthly income.  I'm excited about that.  Will I get another car note?  No, not anytime soon.  That money will go to paying these student loans off.  Still I need to see where I can cut a few more corners.  Where there's a will there's a way.

Determination, motivation, self-support and love all need to be my friends.  I am down on myself because of my past decisions, but overall, I am somebody that had hopes and dreams.  Something along the way has snuffed those out.  I will not be that person, I will get back on it.  There are things that need to be done and in order to do them I have to get in a better place

Sunday, May 3, 2015

Close, but No Horseshoes





One of my credit reports went down, but the other one stayed the same.  I'm under 600 again, but the other is still 611.  On a lighter note, I have paid off two things on my credit report.  Credit Karma is free and it really has helped me see what my credit scores are and how I can make them better.  Everything is in one place, it provides contact information and that is truly helpful.  






I feel like a pessimist, the glass is half empty.  There seems to always be something.  One thing after another.

-house painted
-grass cut
-flooring (hallway, front room, and kitchen)
-counter top
-fascia board -trees surrounding my home

The story of a property owner.  To be tied up with all of this and little money coming in.  There always seems to be something.  More money going out then coming in.  I'm always into something, never doing the right thing.  Now, I have someone else to be concerned with, this little boy that I have to make sure has diapers, is fed, clothed, housed, and taken care of.

Did I mention I have two vehicles, both under the weather.  It's always something in my life.  I guess that's what liven does to you.  My truck, I don't know what's wrong with it.  The battery will not hold a charge, it's leaking oil and overall running hot.  My car, the seats will not move.  I feel like a faucet with a slow leak.

On top of all of this there are several student loans that constantly call even if I've made my monthly payment.
Marybelle 3500
Student loans 160,000
House 54,000

I have a house that needs to be rented, I'm overall tired.  Tired of doing this alone, I need help, someone on my side to say hey, you're doing a good job.  Things will be alright.  I once had ambitions and goals, where they have gone, I don't know.  A part of me feels like a failure, the other part tired, tired of all of the bills, debt, issues.  Just tired.

This August I'll be 40 years old.  During the year of 40, I want to move into a better home.  Tired of being in the hood.  This little boy deserves better, I deserve better.  I have been in this house long enough.  The thing is where do I start to find someplace that I would love?  There are a few things that I want for my home.  There are new homes all throughout Columbus, GA, but they aren't what I want for myself.  I want so much more, but how can I want more when I'm not happy with what I have?  That's a good question.

I've been writing this and have accumulated more and more debt.  The title of this blog is financial success, but I don't have any.

I'll continue to pay off the debt that I have and work on making my credit score better.  By this time next year I'll have things in order where we can move into a better neighborhood.  This is my life, the decisions that I have made have led me to this person that I am today.  No I'm not happy with them, but I'm here and I am glad to be here.  Still learning daily and all I can do is better.

Goals
Get house in order
Pay off Marybelle
Move to a better house/neighborhood
Higher credit score
Cars fixed



Tuesday, March 24, 2015

I Don't Know What to Say or Feel




My credit score is slowly going up, my scores are 612 and 608.  I've contacted my student loans and have been making payments monthly.  Something is better than nothing.  Really looking forward to my scores going up more.  I have been spending money on food and other things.  I also came up with an idea that I want to save $100,000.  The number came from nowhere, but that's what I want.  I've been teaching for 15 years and I have another 15 years to go before I retire.  There has been much money that I have wasted over the years.  Now, I have someone else to live for.  Not that my life isn't of the greatest importance, because it is.  I think back over the years and the things I've done, haven't done, places I've been, places I haven't been, but overall, all the money that has gone through my hands.  Throughout all of this I have lost some of myself.  Life happens, yes it does, but it's a matter of how one handles it.  Where she has gone I don't know.  The ambition, motivation, determination is out the window.  Did the pregnancy do it, or just the experiences that lead up to the pregnancy?  Really and truly I can't tell you.  Where's that girl?  The fun loving, no holds barred lady that would try anything once (within perimeters) has left the building and I want her back.  


When I look at this property that I live in there are so many things that need to be done, inside and out.  It makes me sad.
fascia board
flooring (humps and slumps)
counter top
removal of carpet in hallway
paint candle room
cage around central heat and air
cover over central heat and air thermostat
remove trees or limbs in the backyard


The house isn't perfect, plus my mortgage is more than it should be.  I paid more for the house, young is all I'm going to say about that.  Plus, a new mattress, it's so sad.  I want this house to be presentable, a new paint job wouldn't hurt either.  Quality.

I think very deeply sometimes more than I should.  Wanting to move into a new home, will I be able to afford it?  Need to rent out the other house.  Feel like a failure most of the time.  Like I stated earlier, the ambition is gone, where did it go?  I always ask myself that.

Other issues, cars, can't seem to get a vehicle that doesn't have a problem.  The Mini Cooper has issues with the seats, I can't let the passengers seat back it's very close to the dashboard.  I did get the Land Rover started, now it needs to go into the shop to find out what's wrong with out.  Always money  coming out.   Regardless, I stay above water, which I am very glad of.


Don't know where I am going or what I'm doing, but I do know that my credit score is getting better, I have a handsome baby boy, my health is great, and I'm still hear.

I called several phone numbers that called my house phone.  One was from AmSouth bank, they stated they were failing a judgement against me.  This is an account that I have disputed several years ago, that wasn't mine.  When will it appear on my credit report is a good question?  Another account has appeared on my report too.  It's only for $80, I'll pay for that next month.

Friday, March 13, 2015

Credit Report Gets Better

 Credit KarmaI have been using Credit Karma to check my credit score and to pay off some outstanding debts I've had for a few years.  My credit score has gone up one is 602 and the other is 611.  Now, I need to get my student loans under control.  My financial history is a mess, but all I can do is make it better.  I owe over 150,000 in student loans.  Why is that so?  Plus, there are other issues.  Life and it's challenges.  There are 2 judgments on my report.  One isn't my fault, but that's neither here nor there.

My house phone gets many calls from random debt collectors and other unnecessary places.  This really gets on my nerves all of the phone calls.  I'm going to take my time and get this debt handled.  My car will be paid off by the end of the year.  I'm looking forward to that.  I also have upped my annuity to $300 a month.  At this point I have about $55,000 built up over these past 15 years.

Sometimes I get sad because I feel that I have made several mistakes financially and it's time to get things back in order.  There have been many losses in my life and I'm closer to the end than the beginning.  It's time to get it and make my life better.

Sunday, February 15, 2015

This Little Boy

Things are changing for the better, it's taking a little time, but overall, it's getting better.  Slowly adding money to an account that I will not touch.  Started a Christmas account that can be withdrawn in December.  The only thing is there has to be 12 deposits by October.  What I need to do is make 2 random deposits in that account and things will be good.  I have $50 being deposited in that account over that period of time.  This will give me a chance to shop for Christmas instead of waiting to the last minute and using the money that I make for the month of December.

Having this little boy has made me life much different.  I love him and I never knew life could be like this.  It's so different.  I never would have thought that this would be my life.  I cry when I'm happy, no matter what kind of day I've had, he makes me smile.  Energy is always there for him.  I don't want to fail him at all.  Looking over my life, I've wasted so much time, money, love, and energy.  Now that I have him, life is different.  For him I want more, better, things I didn't have growing up.  Financial security, stability, a chance to not have struggle on his side.  For him, I'm going to give my all.  With that being said, I've made many changes for the both of us.

Deposited $5000 in my account
Paid off several debts
Credit report increase 583 and 593, still under 600, but slowly moving up

Going to open him up an account so he'll have something.  Instead of putting money up monthly, will use money from tax return to save for the next 18 years.

Truck needs to be fixed
Car seats need to be repaired
House needs to be done
Oneal Street needs to be rented
I need to move ASAP

I owe $4708 on my car.  If I pay $100 more a month on it I'll be finished paying it off sooner than 11 months.  As a matter of fact, it'll be in almost 9 months.  That'll be $450 to put toward something else.  It's taking several changes in order for me to get my mind right.  Another thing, I will up my deposits to my annuity.  This needs to be done by August.  By then, several things will be paid off and my credit score will be over 600 points.  By the way I didn't mention, I have over $150,000 worth of student loans.  Once my minor bills are paid off, I'll start working toward these student loans.  This is not a thing that I want for my soon.  Student loans are awful.  The constant calls, get on my nerves.  It served a purpose, but now I'm just tired.  The smallest bill is 1787.  Don't want to spend my entire life paying off student loans.

Another thing, when I get caught up, I'll start paying the smallest student loan off and work my way up to the largest one.  I also have 2 private student loans that I am way behind on.  I'll pay $50 a month until I pay off a few other debts.  Work on putting money in the right place.

I'll be 40 in August and my life is much different.  There are several irons in the fire and things are getting better.  I'm a mommy now and I have to make things better for him.  I think about the money that I waste monthly and where it needs to be put.  Which is in a better place.  Like I said before the time is now.  Working is something, and money needs to go where it should in order to have a debt free life.

Tuesday, January 20, 2015

Getting Older Should be Getting Better

It's almost the end of the month and things keep moving as always.  Tired of the struggle, tired of not having enough to make ends meet.  Tired of just being tired.  There never seems to be enough.  Never.  Where did I go wrong?  Student loans, constant phone calls, more debt.  Never enough.

I got paid December 19, 2014.  I surprised that I'm not overdrawn, but I'm sure I will be very soon.  The truck isn't working, I need to put it in the shop.  Marybelle's seats in stuck in a position.  It's always one thing after another.  Cut back and it still isn't enough.  So what needs to be done?  Pay off the few small bills.  I forgot I put the house on Oneal Street on HAP and they moved out.  I have to repay 348 to the government.  That'll be done at the end of the month.  The check is usually gone before it is here.  Did I mention, the television in the front room has died.  Always something.

Seriously thinking about moving ASAP.  Don't want to bite of more than I can chew.  Sometimes it seems I can't see the forest for the trees.  I have gas in my car, that's good.  The little dog needs food for the next few days.  We have food in the house so that's good.  Let's make it until the end of the month.  We can do this, yes we can.

40 is coming really quick and I never thought I would be in the financial bind that I'm in.  Haven't finished my PhD due to owing 5,000.  Debt is everlasting it seems.  Never thought this would be my life.  It is and now and I can change it by taking small steps.  Put in job applications here and there until I find something else.  Contribute to my retirement constantly.  Change my babies name before he starts school.  So much to do, so little time.  Never know when this life will be snatched from under you.

38 years of living and not to the fullest.  Things are changing, just like the weather.  What will I do?  Do things that I haven't done whether it's with my baby or not.  Next month, I may take a road trip, it all depends.  Maybe not because there are several things that need to be paid off.

Using this forum as a personal guide to my freedom.  There are several wants, but overall I do want him to have a happy childhood with a backyard he can play in.  A place where I can have company and relax.  The neighborhood is hood and I did that to myself.  It's time for mature thing and I deserve that.  The time is now.
You are probably tired of the sad stories, there needs to be some success stories on here too.  I'm working on that, I promise.  This is a place for me to vent, express, cry, smile, tell all sometimes.  I will get better, I just have to keep working it.  Sometimes it gets worse before it gets better.

Thursday, January 15, 2015

New Year 2015, What's it Going to Be?

It's time to move and gets things going.  Still making unnecessary mistakes.  One thing is no more debt, no more debt, no more debt.

I have used creditkarma.com to help me get my credit in order below is the list of debt that I can pay off in the next few months:
Merchants AD  58
Med Data Sys  132
MEA  139
1st Premier  173
JC Penney's  191
Credburserv  200
Rec Mgt Grp 348
Marybelle  (little car) 5,058/12=421.50
State Tax Lien  8,743 (has to be paid in full)

Merchants AD, Med Data Sys, and MEA will be paid off at the end of the month.  MEA has direct deposit.  Once that is paid, I'll add another 75 to Marybelle's payment so that will make her be paid off sooner than it should.  I'm tired of the debt.  I've made many bad financial choices over the years.  Now that I have a little boy, my decisions will not only affect me, but him too.  I don't want him to have the financial issues that I have.

The above numbers are just the beginning of my debt.  There are several student loans that don't seem to be going anywhere.  I'm tired of getting phone call after phone call from my student loans.  Don't have the money to pay the late payment in full.  One sad thing after another.  By the end of the year my credit score should be above 600.

Also, I'll be 40 in August and I want to move.  Tired of my neighbors it's so sad!  So many things are happening and I don't know where to start.  One more thing, I started a Christmas account for 50 a month.  This will help me get it together and prepare for the holidays for my baby and others.  Plus, I want to do things with him that I didn't do growing up.  We need to go on a big vacation once a year, he and I together.  I also need to have my own vacation without him.

There's no clarity or focus, I have not.  Then another thing came to mind.  Do I want him to get a degree because if he gets a degree that means he'll be working for someone for the rest of his life.  Wow, decisions.

Since I'm an older mom, I'll be able to retire by the time my baby is 16, go figure.  The right things I didn't do before I need to do now.  I've been looking on Pinterest finding ways to put money up.  The next thing is to file my taxes and do right by the money that I receive.  Pay some things off, get ahead on my mortgage.  Did I mention I'm a month behind on my mortgage and car note.  The story never ends.

Time keeps moving, I'm getting older, and debt keeps being an issue for me.  Something has to give.

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