Will I Ever Get This Together?

Spinning wheels and getting nowhere fast.  Been on this financial success journey for years and in my opinion I haven't gotten far at all.  I write and I don't write, I make promises to myself and don't keep them.  This journey is a trying one, but worth all the effort.  When I complain, I'm told that that's what we call living. Am I living wrong?  What is the problem?  In real life it seems I can't get right, but then there is everything to be thankful for and for that I am thankful!  

My debt is something that really bothers me and makes my life miserable.  Again, things are wonderful!  My problems go on and on!  Number 1:  Health is my mine concern.  Number 2:  Making sure I can take care of my baby.  Number 3:  Handling my financial success.  Number 4:  Making sure I do the right thing.  Number 4:  Be present for my mom.

In life period I get caught up on putting money in the right place and not spending on food.  That's my biggest issue, food.  When I try to do right something happens, car goes out, washing machine dies, glasses get broken, anything that could happens does and I'm just tired.

To date, there have been several debts that have been paid off, but there are several more that need to be tended to.

Where does time go, money, your life?  Where does it all go?  Away, that's where it goes.  The plans that I've made for my life, where did they go?  I wonder from time to time, what did I do wrong, where did I go wrong?  Now, the question is what to do to make things better?  I don't need to get discouraged at all.  Keep fighting this battle and put money where it belongs, to my debt.

Issues
Capital One $779  May 2018
Navy Federal $1450  June 2018
Obgyn  $5354 paid off by December 2018
Navient $12,388 $11,488 or to $10,000 first  December 2019
Fed Loan Servicing $193,280  December 2028 Call because they are not taking my Public Loan Forgiveness paperwork

Now what needs to be done?  Get over myself and do what is best.  Continue a good fight and not give up.  This is one of the hardest things I have done.  What makes it so frustrating for me is that I'm not this person that goes hard and shops, shops, shops, I don't do that.  I can't seem to get it together.
Negative self talk is what can sabotage this entire financial journey that I am on.  Honestly, like always, I am sick and tired of being sick and tired.  This is getting old. 

Rethinking my problems, have to take my time organize and not get down due to my own financial issues.  The credit cards were supposed to help with getting my credit score higher.  They did for a few and then it went for not.

It's ok, it's alright!  Things will get better.  As long as I stay focused, don't get side-tracked, and use money for my (our benefit) things will be fine.

Things to do
Get Marybelle towed and fixed
Get Liam towed and fixed
If too much money both cars will be sold
Clean house top to bottom
Save $500-$1000 a month
Get over myself and my issues and do the damn thing
Come up with a plan to get rid of this $193,000 debt
Read more
Save for a down payment on another house

Things in House
kitchen counter tops
kitchen cabinets
kitchen/dining room floor
front room floor
fascia board house
house painted
fence fixed
storage unit removed from yard

It doesn't seem that I have been in my career as long as I have and it's been a long time.  Now, I have only 12 years to retire and do what's best for us.  Use my salary to pay off this debt.  It's really not much, but it is something that has hindered me from doing and being what I want to be.

Things will get better, if there is extra money it will go toward the lowest debt that I have.  I made a plan that if we don't eat out, that money saved during the week will go toward debt.  We will see how that works.

This blog is supposed to help me, but in real life I don't want to face my problems.  If I ignore them they will go away and that is not the case.  They tend to get worse instead of getting better.  All it takes is me, me doing right by my money, not offer spending and focusing on being the best me that I can be.

Things are Getting Better

Today, I opened up an account with Ally Online Banking and I'm really looking forward to building money with this account.  It will not be easy to withdraw money, monthly, I will deposit $250 to build it so I can do some awesome with that money.

There are always so many things going on in my life that I tend to be a little scattered.  Hence, why I may not have achieved financial freedom.  Go figure.

Needs
Functioning vehicle
Trees removed from my backyard
Back of house finished
Fence fixed
Fascia board replaced entire house

Banking accounts
Kinetic
Navy Federal
Ally: deposit $250 or more monthly

There is really no true focus in my life.  There has been something going on where I can not focus.  It's really sad.  Or is it that I have so many things that I want to get accomplished that it's allowing me to be all over the place.

Goal for the rest of the month
Stop wasting money
Pay off Navient $1017
Cook and stop wasting food

Debts
Navient:  $1017 pay off the end of the month
Navient charged off :  $11,000 and $12,000 200 monthly
Federal Loan Servicing $3125  100 monthly
Medical:  $5683 25 monthly
Allied (Walden):  $6447 25 montly

I've ordered some candle wax to make candles for Betty's Only to get that back up and running.  That will be a way to make a little more cash.  Plus, it's fun.  I truly have no organization about my life, that's sad, but I am who I am, and I'm going to be who I be.

Using Digit and Ally will allow me to do the things that I need to do in order to have financial freedom.  This has been one of the hardest things I've ever done, but determination is the key to this all.  I can do it.  I know I can.  I checked my retirement account and it's looking pretty good.  Along side of my 403b, we will be alright.  Adding my Vanguard account and purchasing a property here and there, things are looking better.

Things to do
Continue to make money work for me, putting all extra cash toward debts and saving.  It can be done at the same time.
Get rid of things that don't serve me anymore, regardless of what it may be.
Focus
Believe in myself
Never give up
Focus on the good things in my life
Give thanks constantly
Clean and purify my space, surroundings, and mind
get the backyard and house like it should be.

I got this and it's alright!  Everything is alright, trust that!  Make the subtle changes and continue to believe in myself.

All I Can Do is Live

I had to realize that I have not been in a good place for a really long time.  Chaos all around.  In my mind, home, car, job, life, social interactions, chaos.  Stepping back understanding the problem and working towards making it better. 

The house looked as if it had thrown up.  Things everywhere, clothes, things, all over the place, no order, none.  I started in the back of the house and thinned out.  Got rid of clothes, shoes, papers, things.  Moved things around.  I also started to decorate.  I have been in the house for a long time and I haven't enjoyed it.  Haven't made it comfortable, home.  I know these things don't matter, but they add warmth to the space.  You can actually walk throughout the house and nothing is on the floor.  Everything has a place.  More or less.  It feels good to finally have a clean home. 

In the meantime, during the decorating, I have been redoing each room.  My room is done.  Now the guest bedroom.  It had to be Kilz.  That was done today.  Tomorrow, it will be painted.  Looking forward to it.  Once that is done, the carpet will be removed and the hardwood sanded and varnished.  There will be a full sized bedroom set put in there. 

Next, his room will be done just like the guest bedroom.  Finally, the carpet will be taken up in the hallway and the hardwood done too.  Making the space comfortable while I'm here and ready for the next tenant after I leave. 

The front of the house is going to take the most work.  The floor has shifted in the kitchen.  There needs to be a new counter top and cabinets.  The floor needs to be done too.  I didn't mention a backsplash.  Something pretty.  The front room carpet needs to be taken up and floor under needs to be fixed.  There's a hump in it.  Not too sure about what type of flooring I would like for that room.  Will have to think about that. 

In the front yard, I planted a flower garden and it is really pretty.  They are perennials so they will come back every year.  Slowly, but surely I am appreciating the things that I have done in my home.  It is mine and it might as well be what I want. 

As far as my debt, I haven't done anything with it.  It is still there.  I haven't checked CreditKarma.  Nothing. 
Student loans
Medical bills

I have been spending money on nothing really, but not on what is important.  Not at all.  What is the problem?  I just don't feel like doing what it takes to get out of this financial turmoil that I have gotten myself into. 

What I told myself is that I would look at CreditKarma and see where I stand.
Contact all debtors and set up payment arrangements
Continue to save $1000 a month

At the end of the year, I wanted to purchase a new car with the money saved.  Purchase land, pay off debt, put it toward my mortgage.  I really don't know what to do. 

What I can do is put $400 toward my smallest debt in July.  This will allow me to get something paid off in at least 2-3 months. 

Life is about learning from your mistakes and doing what it takes not to repeat them.  I created this debt and it's up to me to eliminate it. 

Plus, I got a part time job.  I do enjoy it.  That helps.  Focus is what I need and having a clean home does help.  I know that moments matter, but they fade away.  I must do what's best for me! 

New Year, Same Old Thing

Happy Happy New Year!  There are so many good and not so good things going on.  Let's see my credit score has dropped something serious.  I have paid off Marybelle, that's $450 to debt.  Things are working themselves out.  2015 was a different year for me.  Having to adjust to being a new mom says it all.  I never thought this would be my reality, but it is.

Looking back over all the years.  The fun, sex, relationships, useless things that have gone and really didn't mean anything.  What was the purpose?  Back then, I should have been an international traveler.  Instead of trying to have all the sex, or make this relationship work.  I should have been purchasing real estate and filling up my passport.  Which by the way, I haven't gotten the first stamp in it.  Go figure.

Being 40 has made me realize many things about myself.

• loner
• kind
• giver
• caring
• emotional
• lovely
• adventurer

Just to name of few.  Right now, of course, I am where I thought I wouldn't be.  Living in one of my rental properties understanding that it is time to move on to something else.  

What have I been doing to make things better?

• pay off student loans prior to 1995 so I can get teacher loan forgiveness
• 1638 and 3600
• contact private loans that are with collection agency to see about updating credit information
• working on getting house ready for when I move
• paying off credit cards 
• pay off medical bills
• save something monthly

Last year was really different.  Getting adjusted and making sure that I had enough.  Losing myself and now trying to get her back has been a journey.  Also, yesterday, my new furnace got put in, that was $1400.  Not thinking that I deserve better has been an issue, but overall I been staying above water.  

This credit score has dropped below 600 and that's truly sad.  Wanted and needing to move is something that is seriously on my to-do list.  Having this baby has really put many things in perspective.  Also, like I stated earlier, so much time, energy, and money wasted on worldly items.  Where did it get me, not where I thought I would or should be.  

Another thing, not graduating with a Phd has done something to me.  All of this student loan debt and to not have a degree, what a waste of time, energy, and other peoples money.  Now, what do I do?  Suck it up and make a change, where change is due.  

Today, I will write a letter to the credit agencies where these default student loans are and see about making a payment arrangement to bring these debts current and put them in good standing.  It seems I'm always robbing Peter to pay Paul, but I'm here and I'm making it, is all that matters.  

Not going to worry about past decisions, or mistakes.  All I can do is stay current and make it better.  Swimming in debt will not be my future.  Things will get better and I'm determined to do it.  

Life

Life is what you make it and I think I'm going to make it better.  I posted Liam on Craigslist because there are several things wrong with him.  It's so sad, but I am in a state of letting go.  Letting go of my past and making better decisions.  It has to get better.  First, I have to pay $540 to get him out of the shop and there are other issues.  He may need another engine.  I feel so sorry for him, but life does go on.

Called yesterday to inquire about consolidation.  That was a very good call.  I went to studentloans.gov and signed up to consolidate my student loans.  What's very interesting about my case is that I have loans prior to 1995.  With that being said, I should be able to get a loan reduction for working on Title I schools.  Since this is my case, no loan reduction for me until those loans are paid in full.  I had those loans isolated so I can pay those off individually.  Looking forward to getting that done.

This month has been full of money coming out, but I'm glad to say I have actually gotten many things done.  I've been in a rut and it's time to get out of it.  Doing what is right by myself and my baby is all that is important.  When someone is constantly asking for me to help them, that is taking away from me and my baby.  More or less robbing us blind.

I want so much more for him.  A better house, in a better neighborhood.  I deserve that and so does he.  Even if I have to move away from my mom.  I just feel safer being closer to her.  I'm grown and have to let go of those strings.

One day at a time is all it takes.  Just one, one day at a time!  Continue to do what's right.  Make better choices and put money where it will work best.  Let go of my past mistakes and never look back.  That's how accidents happen, looking back.

Fifteen years, there are so many things that can happen during that time.  You blink and that time has passed.

Things that need to happen
Continue paying off student loans so they don't go into default
Refinance house so it'll be paid off in 15 years
Move to a better neighborhood
Continue to cut back
Get Oneal Street rented out
Trees cut in backyard
Floors fixed/replaced
Paint side room
Continue to thin house out

I'm old enough now to realize my errors and how to make them better.  I've cut back enough that I can really see the difference in my income.  My baby is going to grow and get bigger and more money is going to come out.  That's one reason why I must make better choices.  I had a large amount of money and due to paying things off that has been dwindling down.  I still have a little extra, but not what I once had.  Here's the opportunity to make up what was once there.  In due time, it's alright and I know it is.

Dripping Like a Running Nose

There have been many things going on:
Baby Showers
House Warming
Many other gift giving events

For me:
Fascia board replaced
Tree Limbs removed off back of house
mother's day gifts several
dropped my phone again today

Credit score dropped.  I did get a refund from the bank issue.  Life happens as always.  I'm a worrier and this baby has only made it worse.  My emotions are all over the place.  Maybe it's the baby, maybe it's my thyroid, maybe it's my life.  I don't know, but regardless, I have to get it under control.

Cutting into my savings, I am almost at $1000, that's not good.  Now, I need to replace that money that was taken out.  It's going to take time to make that happen.  Been seriously thinking about selling Liam.  That money could go to paying off Marybelle.  In the meantime, Marybelle is having issues.  That's crazy still paying off the car and having issues with it.

As of today, no more money coming out.  Unless, it has to do with food or an emergency comes up.  Also, tithes.  Things will be fine, I don't believe that all the time, but I know it will.

Next steps
Flooring fixed
Another tree limbs cut down
Bulb replaced and cover on Marybelle

Overall, I am glad that I have been able to handle all of the responsibilities.  Having this baby has made me view life much differently.  I'm able to take care of him and my other obligations as well.  I am so thankful.  I could not have ever imagined that this would be my life, but it's mine and I love it.

I will be fine!

There are Blessings

Life goes on no matter what.  Bills, expenses, deaths, life, growth, hurt, pains, no matter what life goes on.  I've been looking at this thing called life and tragic as it seems, there are blessings in every aspect of it.  In my life there seems to always be an issue, the summer seems to be the biggest problem that I have.  Money always coming out, robbing Peter to pay Paul is the story of my life.  Through it all there are blessings.  Phone call after phone call, debt collectors constantly calling the house phone and cell makes me feel less of a person.  Yes, this does bother me, but at least I have income coming in.  I don't excessively spend, but no matter what there is always an issue.

Problems:
September bills
mortgage 1300 since I didn't pay for August
Walden 5000

I'm just tired of trying.  Come to find out I only have 12.78 years of teaching.  30 in order to retire.  Can't pay for this Phd program on my own.  Really feel like giving up and that I think I'm going to do.  Don't know whether I'm coming or going.  Whatever I try to do lately ends of failing.  Through it all there are blessings.  I have my health, a handsome baby boy that was unexpected, I'm cancer free, a mother that loves me, a roof over my head, 2 vehicles, I could go on and on.

Even though my finances aren't what I would like them to be there are several blessings that I receive.  I'm going to say thank you for them and I'm ready to receive the ones for my future.

Bumps in the Road

As long as you live, there will be bumps in the road.  Many times it is done because you aren't living right.  Other times, to make you aware of the changes that need to be made.  In my world, patience has been working on me for some time now.  I said it a while ago, that there is a young lady that is trying to get out.  She is her, but things are not as they should be.  Not for real.

As I stated before, I get close and something tends to happen.  I guess that is the thing we call life.  So there has to be major adjustments made.  Something has happened that has made me rethink things.  First, I need to find another place to stay.  That is one of the steps and second, it needs to be cheaper than what I pay now.

As you probably remember, my credit has taken a downside and have been working toward making it better.  In my mind there is no clarity.  There is chaos in most of my thoughts.  Nothing is clear and it seems I can't seem to focus on anything.

To be honest, the devil has made me feel some kind of way.  That is because I am probably on the verge of a major break thorough.  One thing is for sure, I am thankful because out of bad does come good.  This has taught me that I need to be more secure and even though I am from that area, it is time for me to move on.

Today, I will look at other options on how I can get things better and move toward being this better person.  Yes, it did make me sad, but things could have gone in a different direction.  I am better and things will be better.

My situation is not that bad, but it is mine!  No one can take that away from me.

Issues:
behind one month on mortgage due to paying for Walden
Sallie Mae behind
Walden owe can't get back in school until I pay for previous term
Liam hose fixed and flat tire

Tired of always being on the losing end.  When will I finally get it together?

I'm Only Human

It seems that things always look good and life happens.  I can't seem to win for losing.  I'm overdrawn again in my account.  There's money in other accounts, but I can't touch that cash.  There are several financial issues that I am having right now.  Overall, I have a roof over my head and I have my health. Regardless, my finances are not like I they should be.

Every time I get ahead, I seem to mess something up.  I have cut back, no cable, no eating out, no this, no that.  I can't seem to get it right!

I'm almost at the end of my educational journey and here it goes again.  Exhausted all of my financial aid.  Took out a personal student loan.  Didn't realize that the rules didn't apply to loans being deferred if still in school.  Due to this, I am behind and my mother co-signed for me and this has lowered my credit score and hers too.  Constant phone calls, emails, it's bothersome!  I paid for school and didn't pay mortgage.  Now, I'm behind on everything.  

 When I get paid, I'm already overdrawn in that account.  So very sad!  The more I try, it seems the further I fall behind.  The story of my life it seems!  

 September's Check

mortgage, car note, t-mobile, Walden University, travel for 2 nights, tags, tickets

Take every day one at a time and do what I can with what I have.  Whenever I try to save, something always seems to happen.

Another thing, I have no motivation to get the things done that I need to.  So very sad, the more I try, the more things tend to happen.  Complaining, no I'm not, venting is the correct term to use.

All I want is to have money for the things that I want to do.  I want to be able to have money for my bills and anything extra that I want or need.  Really all of my needs are met and I am happy, don't get me wrong!  Tired of falling short and not having the things that I need, that would be called a struggle.  I feel I'm too old to be having these issues.   No, I don't have children and it may be a blessing that I don't because I can't seem to get it together.

Future Plans
Save enough money to buy another house
Get my house together
Sell candles
Be motivated to get things done
Remove carpet replace with tile or wood, cheaper would be the tile

Stop Complaining 
 Life is good, I have my health
Continue to pay off debt
Get caught up with bills
work on getting the house straight
put up a few dollars monthly and don't pull from it

Learn as I go and work things out.  It will get better!  Continue to do what I can with what I have! 

Here It Is

Things have been working out pretty well.  First, 1010 is rented out.  Good job!  There are little issues with the property, but they are getting fixed.  For instance, there's a hole under the sink, the heater grate needs to be replaced, and the gas meter has been pulled due to a leak.  Now, I have to find a certified plumber to fix it. 

3210 is empty, thank you for that.  There are a few things that need to be fixed and I'm going to get them fixed this week.  I have to go to court to get the rest of the money they owe from 3210.  That's a part of the job that I don't like. 

The issues have been eating out, that is where majority of the spending is done.  I'm trying to work on that.  I had a large amount of money to come in from working the morning lab and Saturday School.  Having a second job within the first one is good.  Making sure I do right by the money is the whole thing. 

There are doctors bills that I have and need to be paid so they don't end up on my credit report.  Checked my credit score and they are awful, the only choice I have is to go up.  Continue to pay off outstanding medical bills that are sitting and build credit.  I have automatic draft for all bills except the water.  Continue to save and put the money in the right place.  Looking to get a secured loan on 1,000.  What could I do with that money?  Pay off a large bill, I did get settlements for a couple of them.  Pay them off and not get anymore debt. 

The whole purpose of this blog is for me to get out of debt and it seems I do while for a moment and something happens.  I can't continue to sabatoge myself, that seems to be what I'm good at.  Falling for the set up.  The money that I'm spending on food could pay off a few bills.  That money put it toward the debt.  Instead of eating out, pay a bill. 

Questioning do I want to continue to live here?  A note was in my door, it was crazy.  Trying to live her until 40, let's see how that goes.   Can't continue to slight myself, I tend to be good at that.  I don't know what my future plans are and that's the problem I'm having getting out of school.  What do I do?  Financial Aid is exhausted.  Had to take out a personal loan for nothing because I haven't made any adequate gains.  Feel like giving up, but I've come to far.  What do I do with this degree?  I don't know.  What do I want to be when I grow up?  I don't know.  I've been teaching for 13 years, will I be a 50 year old business education teacher? 

Where do I go from here?  I love making candles and doing this real estate thing, they both bring me joy.  Have a d r period, in the front of my name has always been a dream of mine.  Will it be a dream deffered?  At this point, my mind is tired of thinking about school.  Once the decision is made there's no turning back. 

Decisions that need to be made
What are my future plans?  3 years, 5 years, 10 years from now
Do I want to continue to stay here?  For how long
What kind of career do I want? 
How will I acquire more properties?
What do I see myself doing?
How can I bring more happiness into my life?
Put the main thing first.
Buckle down and do what's right
Let the new me come out

This year has been filled with experiences and things I will never forget.  I have something that I am sitting on and I'm excited about it.  First, I don't want to let it go.  Do right by the money I have.  All bills are paid and life is getting better.  I'm learning about myself and realizing that everything is going to be alright.  Make sure I do what's right and just and most of all put the money in the right place and don't blow it. 

There's so much to say and I don't know where to start.  My personality is different and overall, I try to stay out of everybodies way if I can.  I have a spirit of expression.  I don't try it just comes out, but I want people to see me.  I said it, see me, here me, notice me, something.  I've been told my spirit is free.  I do want I want because that's what I want to do, not because this is what people are doing.  I'm my own self.  Right now, at a crossroads and don't know which way to go.  I feel like I'm maturing in so many respects, well have matured.  Things that many get upset about doesn't bother me.  Why because life goes on.  I learn, listen and move on. 

Not knowing what's going on or having a plan has caused me to be in school for this long.  No ultimate goal, well, that is to graduate, but no plan after graduation.  Is being a middle school business education teacher my end result?  No disrespect to those, but that seems so mandane, like there's more to lif than that.  Am I lazy?  Looking for a job is hard and waiting.  That another story within itself.  I guess I know the answer to my question, continue to look and apply to different jobs and that's the only way I will get another one.  Can't expect one to fall in my lap. 

Mid-life is serious especially when your learning and don't have a typical life.  As always thank you for reading. 

Fear Sets In

Things have been moving forward and I have been putting my money to good use.  I got my tax return and I have paid off many outstanding bills.  Those bills that were $50-$200, it feels good, but I am afraid that I will not have anything to show for the money that I have received.  I want to do different this year with my tax return.  Not believing in myself seems to be an issue.  I am looking forward to positive results and making my credit score move up.  It has nowhere else to go, but up.  That's for real.  I have set many goals and am making them work. 

There is a goal that I have made, that took some of the money I had away.  Also, I have had to make some adjustments in my clothes.  That is more money that has gone to upgrade my wardrobe, so that is worth it.  I have also been eating out.  Ran out of groceries so that leaves me to eat out.  Not a good choice, but it is what it is.  All bills have been paid, need to change where my power bill goes, it still goes to my mothers house.  That's an issue too.  Another thing, I have set up automatic draft for most of my bills, I need to do that with my power bill and my water if that is an option. 

It feels good to look in my account and see all of the money that I have saved.  Now to not blow it.  There are some things that I need to get, but they will help me to become a better person.  What will I do when I grow up?  Where will I go?  What will be my position in life?  Will I complete this program?  Do I want to have a leadership degree?  Will I stay in the classroom for my entire career?  These are all questions that I want to know the answer to, but I will wait to find out.  I will continue to put my best foot forward, grow in walk with God, and do what I can to make things better. 

I am doing property manangement for a house around the street.  I have posted it on socialserve.com and I think it should be rented by the end of the month.  This is dealing with those on government assistance so that is money that is coming regardless.  Now as far as the other house, they have to go.  Tired of trying to get you to pay something you know you need to pay.  I went ahead and filed for an eviction.  Everytime I do this, it makes me feel some kind of way.  Like I really don't want to, but I have no choice.  It is part of the game. 

Looking at my life there have been some ups and downs and for the most part I have survived them all.  Learning as I go and trying to make the best of it.  As for school, I have received a specialist degree, now what about this paper that I have to write.  I have been in the program for a very long time and it doesn't seem like it will ever end.  I know I can't compare myself to others, but for real, it is time to move on to something else.  Looking at my future plans, I know and have always known, I don't want to be in the classroom forever.  There were plans I made that didn't come to fruition, but that wasn't what God wanted for me.  Sometimes, he will bring you to it, but not through it because it wasn't for you.  That is something that I have had to realize in my life. 

Things are moving forward and it's because I have made some adequate changes in my life.  Not doing many of the things I used to do, not being around many of the people I used to be around has helped me to progress in my life.  Sometimes it is hard, but you have to limit your interactions with certain people and things in order to see progress.  That I have seen.  Ordering my steps has helped me greatly and I am proud. 

Now, continue to put my best foot forward, not look back on old things.  Get over my art of sabatoge and continue to love and embrace the people that love and cherish me.  I am thankful for everything that has happened in my life, the good and the bad.  Thankful for the people that I have encountered over the years, because without them I wouldn't be where I am today.  Life has a purpose for you.  As long as you move forward and do what is right, things will fall into place.  What I'm realizing is that we want to be worldly and not Godly, that tends to pose a problem no matter what.  Love yourself.  Don't spend all you have!  Put yourself around people that are movers and shakers.  Give back to your community!  These things will help you grow into the person that you are meant to be.