It's My Life

Looking back over my life, I have had a wonderful one.  Full of ups and downs, but I guess that is what life is composed of.  I remember making plans and some coming to reality and others falling by the way side.  Through it all things have been great.  Sicknesses, losses, life, death, overcoming and moving forward.  Not holding on to things makes it hard, but much easier to cope.

Making plans to retire by 20 and have a PhD, have they been my reality.  No, they haven't.  Is it due to fault of my own, why, yes. I'll admit, things haven't turned out how I've wanted them to or expected, but I'm here to tell the story.

I've come to terms with not being able to afford my PhD.  Exhausting my financial aid, I'm not able to afford school anymore.  Plus, there are other things that are more important than obtaining that degree.  Even though, I've always wanted to have D. R. period in the front of my name, since I was in junior high school.  I've wondered since I started the program what I would do with it once I finished.  To be honest, I think I was afraid to complete it.  Being in the program since 2005.  This seemed to be something I just couldn't finish, for whatever reason.  Afraid, I'll say this has been the one thing that I haven't been able to complete and get off my back.  At one point, I felt like a failure, but now, I have just let go.

Having a baby and being a cancer survivor has made me look at life in a totally different perspective.  Life is intricate.  One minute your here, the next you're gone.  What is it all worth?  The things we deem important sometimes aren't.  So, I'm looking at doing things a little different.  I understand that many things are out of our control, but overall, you have to put God first in everything you do.

Things I'm going to do different
18 months left on Marybelle, put 100-200 extra on my 450 payment (this will allow car to be paid off in 12-14 months)
Oneal Street on HAP, 1 year lease
Get baby an account, put 100 in his account monthly for the next 18 years.  Find an account that will earn a decent interest rate
Pay off Walden
Get student loans under control
Prepare to move from Fisk (4 bedroom/2 bath fireplace and 2 car garage) it's time to get out of the hood
Put any extra money in my account (save 50-200 a month)
Start preparing for winter for baby (get ahead of things, before I know it he'll be 1 years old)
Stop wasting money and do better overall

There have been many things that have occurred in my life and I look at things so different.  It's time to make a change and do it for the better.  What is it all worth?  I don't want to have any regrets.  I have done many things that I may not be proud of, but through it all I have overcome.  Having this baby makes things seem so clear.  Maybe I'm a little more emotional than I've been before, but I know I have to do better for him to have a good life.

It seems that I can't get ahead and that there is a financial curse on me.  I don't know, but somewhere things have got to be different.  All I can do is live me life and do the best I can.

10 Years, Where did they Go?

It has finally dawned on me that I have been home for 10 years. Where did the time go? I have been saying all along that blink, I was 24 and blink, I am 34. There have only been a handful of things that I have done for any duration of time. One of being school and another is having a career. I call it that because I have been a life longer learner. In some instances, I wonder if I enjoy the stresses of having to catch up because I am behind on my assignments. Always working on a time schedule and trying to catch up or even get ahead if possible. What will I do without the stresses once I am out of school? Replace that stress with another?

I work daily and make a decent living, but is it all truly worth it? The children have changed and yet they stay the same. Don't get me wrong, I am thankful I have a job, but to get up and go to a place and be confined for eight hours of the day. Man, to some extent that is too much! People bring stress to you for no reason. Do I want to continue to live this way. My job doesn't define who I am. Ten years gone, will another ten go by and wow, I am 44? What will I have accomplished then? Been thinking about my future and what I want to be when I grow up.

There are a few things that must be done soon:
Escalade paid off
Wachovia paid off
MEA paid off

Thinking big things for the future, what is the worst thing that could happen? I want to teach online courses instead of going to a traditional school. That will free me up to do other things that I am interested in. Realized that things I once was interested in, they no longer are important to me. My health, future, and longevity are a few of my main concerns. I am not this typical person and I understand that. It will be like just graduating from college and coming home and looking for a job. Starting over fresh. Save some money and use that cash to purchase a home. Fix it up and rent it out. Wait some time and it should be worth more than I spent on it. Make the money back and a little more.

I just don't want time to keep passing by and I have stood still for twenty years. That can't happen to me, I will not do that to myself. Change is here and I am going to use it to my advantage.

I am Officially 34

At the Acupuncturist Soaking My Feet

Yesterday was my 34th birthday. At 5:29 pm, I turned 34 years old. Being home for 10 years and analyzing what I have done with my time. Have you ever done something for 10 years? Before I get in to that let me tell you about my birthday. I went to the acupuncturist and got a foot massage, had lunch at the Butler's Pantry. For lunch, a shrimp salad, and potato salad, the table was reserved. Movies The Land of the Lost was interesting. Got some Carlos Santana shoes and dinner at the new Houlihan's. My birthday was relaxing and fun and not over the top. I truly enjoyed my birthday! Thank you!

Reflexology Foot Massage

For the next four months I must continue to pay off the debts I have. Working the after-school and Saturday programs will bring in some extra cash. Just using what I have. Growing up and realizing that there is still more to come. Reading how people travel, live healthier, retire early, make money, and enjoy life, seems to be something that I want for myself. Knowing how to achieve it is half the problem. I know what to do to get the things that I want out of life, but I wonder if I have the focus to actually get it done. To be honest, I have done many things, but one thing I have been told I am afraid of is success. Sometimes I think that to be true. Still haven't gotten my passport. Have the application and taken the picture, but haven't had the money to send it off.

Reflexology Foot Massager

Things happen for a reason and you may never know what that reason is. Waste money for nothing! Why does it always end up that way? There is so much that I want for myself and a short time to get it. Ultimately, I am going to own 10 rental properties! Preferably, duplexes. While I am working, I will pay off Wachovia and the US Dept of Education. Once they are taken care of, I should be able to apply for Teacher Loan Forgiveness.

Shrimp with Potato Salad and Frosted Brown with Strawberries

I just want to live comfortably. Having the things that I want! A green home on 5-10 acres of land. The more houses, I have the cash I will generate. Teaching online is another option for me. What to do once I obtain the PhD? What are my next steps? I have told myself to start applying to a variety of online programs just to see what I can find. Working online would benefit me. The online learning environment is less intrusive. That would be perfect! No face to face interaction.

A Couple of Gifts

It never seems to be enough time, my mind is always thinking of the next best thing. Staying focused has really become an issue. On the Internet, watching tv, talking on the phone, and texting all at the same time. Slow down, think of the things that are important. Also want to get acupuncture and take yoga at least once a month. Not getting any younger. Just want to live better. Take all of the things I know and put them together to make this outstanding woman. Will that actually work? It would if I could just pull it together.

By the way, I am overdrawn in my account. Didn't see that coming. August was something financially for me, this will come to pass. Waiting to hear something back from Walden about my financial aid. My GPA is a 3.39 and my rate of completion is a 67.8%. All I need to know is yes, I will receive financial aid. This will save me $4,000 by the end of 2009, but that will be more money I'll owe back once I finish school. How can I make the money back that I have spent on school?

Looking at my finances overall, I am in a good place. It is frustrating when I want something and I can not get it. I have to put myself in a position where I am financially able to do the things that I want, when I want to. Paying cash for items instead of having them financed. That is the point that I am waiting for. Not living above my means, but living comfortably.

This is another random thoughts, not completely finished, but how I feel right now about what is going on in my life. Which is so much, the birthday weekend was wonderful and I am glad to have seen another year. Hopefully, it will be many more. What I can do is enjoy everyday like it is my last. Not worry and stress over things I can not control that is what I am striving to do. Also make a little money well I am at it. There is so much that I want to learn about life, money, happiness, and just being.

Thank you for this platform to post my feelings and view. I will achieve financial freedom and I will not be to old to enjoy my harvest. Continue to live life to the fullest and never do anything in excess. I didn't mean to rumble, I just needed to say what was on my mind.