Thursday, August 21, 2014

It's My Life

Looking back over my life, I have had a wonderful one.  Full of ups and downs, but I guess that is what life is composed of.  I remember making plans and some coming to reality and others falling by the way side.  Through it all things have been great.  Sicknesses, losses, life, death, overcoming and moving forward.  Not holding on to things makes it hard, but much easier to cope.

Making plans to retire by 20 and have a PhD, have they been my reality.  No, they haven't.  Is it due to fault of my own, why, yes. I'll admit, things haven't turned out how I've wanted them to or expected, but I'm here to tell the story.

I've come to terms with not being able to afford my PhD.  Exhausting my financial aid, I'm not able to afford school anymore.  Plus, there are other things that are more important than obtaining that degree.  Even though, I've always wanted to have D. R. period in the front of my name, since I was in junior high school.  I've wondered since I started the program what I would do with it once I finished.  To be honest, I think I was afraid to complete it.  Being in the program since 2005.  This seemed to be something I just couldn't finish, for whatever reason.  Afraid, I'll say this has been the one thing that I haven't been able to complete and get off my back.  At one point, I felt like a failure, but now, I have just let go.

Having a baby and being a cancer survivor has made me look at life in a totally different perspective.  Life is intricate.  One minute your here, the next you're gone.  What is it all worth?  The things we deem important sometimes aren't.  So, I'm looking at doing things a little different.  I understand that many things are out of our control, but overall, you have to put God first in everything you do.

Things I'm going to do different
18 months left on Marybelle, put 100-200 extra on my 450 payment (this will allow car to be paid off in 12-14 months)
Oneal Street on HAP, 1 year lease
Get baby an account, put 100 in his account monthly for the next 18 years.  Find an account that will earn a decent interest rate
Pay off Walden
Get student loans under control
Prepare to move from Fisk (4 bedroom/2 bath fireplace and 2 car garage) it's time to get out of the hood
Put any extra money in my account (save 50-200 a month)
Start preparing for winter for baby (get ahead of things, before I know it he'll be 1 years old)
Stop wasting money and do better overall

There have been many things that have occurred in my life and I look at things so different.  It's time to make a change and do it for the better.  What is it all worth?  I don't want to have any regrets.  I have done many things that I may not be proud of, but through it all I have overcome.  Having this baby makes things seem so clear.  Maybe I'm a little more emotional than I've been before, but I know I have to do better for him to have a good life.

It seems that I can't get ahead and that there is a financial curse on me.  I don't know, but somewhere things have got to be different.  All I can do is live me life and do the best I can.
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