Sunday, October 26, 2014

Subtle Changes on the Horizon

As I've said before, life keeps moving with or without you.  I would prefer for it to be with me.  Trouble tends to rear its ugly head at anytime in ones life.  This seems to be what goes on with me often.  A new baby, new life, new responsibilities, just new everything.  And still I am here.  Trouble doesn't last always, but what to do in the meantime?  Continue to live life as it should and try to do the right thing.  What is the right thing?  Paying bills, helping others, not going under, staying focused, all of those things.  And still I survive.  Looking at life through the eyes of a mother is so different.  Thinking of someone other than myself is really different and new for me.  This is a very emotional journey.  Listening to speakers, preachers and others, there have been some awesome words that I have heard about life and our place here on Earth.  Wow, this is my child, he is mine.  One day he'll be big and I'll be old and he'll have a family of his on.  These moments are so precious.  For that reason, I am trying my best to be a better person, do things different than I have ever in my life.  It's hard, I will admit.  I have been here writing for many years and things get better, than worse, better, but more worse.  That's not correct English.

So much debt, I keep going under.  So many decisions to be made, yet God keeps blessing me and keeping me afloat.  I wonder what's the point and purpose of it all.  In the end, we are all going to die.  I really don't mean for this post to be morbid, these are just random thoughts, I don't mean any harm.

My thoughts have been chaotic, lack focus and guidance.  Several bills, but survival is the only options.  There are so many bills, I don't know where to begin to get it together.  Car issues, it just never stops.  Get a car fixed and the other one messes up.  It just doesn't stop.

Bills
Student loans
Walden University 5000
Trinity Center 2000
St. Francis
Columbus Clinic
Mortgage 1300
Marybelle  900
mom  2500
First Premier 90
JC Penny's 200

Plus, I feel that I am in default with one of my student loans.  Staying above water is a challenge.  Always robbing Peter to pay Paul, it seems to never end.  Tomorrow, I need to call my student loans and see what can be done so my taxes aren't garnished.  When I get paid, pay the back mortgage and car note, pay mom, how much I don't know.  I need to put something in Navy Federal, wow what a year brings.  Credit score is awful and that's alright.

Things to do tomorrow
Call student loan to see what the damage is
Call St. Francis billing
Set up payments for Marybelle and mortgage

I will be just fine, I know it, trust
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