Saturday, October 23, 2010

Realizing Many Things

Life for me has been a up and down hill battle. Being a product of my experiences and continuously doing the same things and getting the same results has gotten old. Facing the person that I really am has been hard. From October 09-October 10, things have been chaotic for me and only because of the decisions that I made. This is why I am where I am today, alone. Throughout this all I have not paid bills and just seem to be coasting along. The word for me may be depression, who knows. Like I stated before, embarassment is the key word. How could I? The audacity of me.

Currently, I don't know what my financial state is. I know that the water got turned off at Parkchester, not because I didn't have the money, but just haven't paid the bill. My existence is sad. The highlight of my day is none. I did pay the mortgages, so they are caught up.

Maybe I need to come up with a plan of action. Have no motivation to do that. What I do know is I need to finish these papers. Haven't done anything with school. Really feeling sorry for myself.

This is the last month for paying Ron. That is good.

First Premier
US Dept of Edu
Tax Lien
Doctor's Hospital

Things I Need to Do
Get Motion Lights put Up
Turn in KAM I
Save Money
Put Liam in the Shop

No goals or ambitions nothing all of that has been taken away. Can't stay here forever, got to keep pressing on.

What's even got me is focusing on the things that aren't important. My life is what's important. This is my mothers house and I don't want to be here no longer than July. She was kind enough to allow me to live here again. So thankful!

Keep pressing forward and get my life going.
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