Things are looking up for me at the moment. Life is great and I am finally making progress toward the things that I want to do. I am so proud of myself and I have been smiling now for the last couple of days. Who would have thought? To be honest, this entire summer has been filled with many mixed emotions. Crying, not working on my PhD, eating, and doing other things in excess. I forgot to remember that all things need to be done in moderation. To account for the excess, I have a cold nodule growing on my thyroid. I have an appointment tomorrow to find out if or when I will have surgery to have it removed. One way or another, it has to be removed. There is no worry in my pertaining to this situation. All things happen for a reason and I do believe this is the outcome of all the worrying I have been doing over these past two months.
In the process of purchasing the three houses for $48,000 with $5,000 down owner financing. The main house I will be living in that. Never have I lived in a house that I have owned. This is a big step for mankind! The house in the back is already rented out. With my other home and the one in the back, I will not have to pay my own mortgage. So very excited, really not trying to pay a mortgage out of my own pocket since I haven't paid one since 2000. That wasn't a mortgage, that was my rent.
Once this purchase is complete, I will have a total of 5 homes not to include the one I manage for my mom. There is a for rent sign out here now, I do think I have someone to move in for $450 a month. The move in cost will be $900. I can use this money to pay my mortgages, fix up the houses, or use toward my $5,000 deposit. Trying to decide which of these is a better option.
On the downside of things. I made a big purchase last month. I bought the Mini Cooper, the car of my dreams. Why? Because I was bored and felt like many things were missing from my life. I know that financial purchases don't satisfy that emotions, but it felt good to step out and do something that I wanted to do. Now, I am feeling it. I ran into a few financial issues.
Speeding Ticket
Tag for Marybelle
Marybelle's car note (mini cooper)
Power bill
water bill
ADT
First Premier
TMobile
Closing on the houses
Did I mention the bills from the other house? Now the only other thing to do is organize my next steps. Haven't worked on anything pertaining to my PhD and time keeps on moving.
Next steps
Prepare to move
Pay the bills
I am working toward being a better person and achieving all of my goals.
Monday, August 1, 2011
Thursday, July 7, 2011
Days Go By
Here I am laying on the floor with the television on mute, just being. I love my friends, each and everyone of them. They all have something different to bring to the table, and yet they are all honest and truthful about who they are and how they view things. I am thankful to have them in my life. It is going on two years of a complete change in my life and I still haven't come to a good place with it all. Regardless, there are still some major changes that need to be made for other things to enter my life.
I feel like something has been snatched away from me. My motivation, spunk is gone. I have mentioned being afraid of success and that I am. Constantly beating myself up for not being this person that I think I should be. What am I afraid of? Only I can give the true answer, but is it one that I am afraid to reveal even to myself. That is an interesting question. Khristy told me today that I should be open to receive all of the blessings that are out there for me. Is it true, that I could be blocking my own blessings? Am I afraid to receive what is truly out there for me?
No matter what, I get that I am not your typical 35 (soon to be 36) year old woman. There are many things that seperate me from the masses. I am a different breed of lady. And yet I don't know what I deserve or want out of life.
Remember I was supposed to have close to $10,000 don't have it, bearly have $5,000. Be thankful for what I do have. Ontop of all that, I am going to New York for a family reunion. I sent a request out of Couchsurfing, hopefully she will respond. I haven't gotten my ticket yet either. Did I mention, I have to rent a car too. It never stops.
Everything will be alright, where there's a well there's a way. Random thoughts, thought I would share.
Cheers
I feel like something has been snatched away from me. My motivation, spunk is gone. I have mentioned being afraid of success and that I am. Constantly beating myself up for not being this person that I think I should be. What am I afraid of? Only I can give the true answer, but is it one that I am afraid to reveal even to myself. That is an interesting question. Khristy told me today that I should be open to receive all of the blessings that are out there for me. Is it true, that I could be blocking my own blessings? Am I afraid to receive what is truly out there for me?
No matter what, I get that I am not your typical 35 (soon to be 36) year old woman. There are many things that seperate me from the masses. I am a different breed of lady. And yet I don't know what I deserve or want out of life.
Remember I was supposed to have close to $10,000 don't have it, bearly have $5,000. Be thankful for what I do have. Ontop of all that, I am going to New York for a family reunion. I sent a request out of Couchsurfing, hopefully she will respond. I haven't gotten my ticket yet either. Did I mention, I have to rent a car too. It never stops.
Everything will be alright, where there's a well there's a way. Random thoughts, thought I would share.
Cheers
Friday, June 24, 2011
My 100th Post: Things Happen For a Reason, Eventhough We May Never Know Why
Wow, really 100 posts, I can't believe it. Many things have ocurred since the last time I posted. To be honest, I don't remember what that post was about. Currently, things are moving forward. Haven't really done much. Living is what I've been doing. I will admit that I have been spending unnecceraliy. It is awful.
I tried to purchase a Mini Cooper, but my credit was bad, due to paying the mortgages late and having a couple of doctors bills. Like always, my credit isn't bad for real, the only things I have on it or my student loans, the mortgages, and a few loans that are paid off. I forgot about the credit card that only has a $300 limit.
There are a few bills that aren't needed for instance, internet on my phone. I can't get all sites and it is a waste of money. I do use it from time to time, but not as much as I am paying for. Been on a few trips here and there. I did invest in myself by going to a residency in Houston. The most expensive part of the trip was the plane ticket.
Last year, I was trying to get these houses for $45,000. That is in the works, but he went up on the price. Awful, but the process has gotten started. Realizing that I am not getting any younger. There has to be another way. Thought it through, the tenant in the back will pay his rent and that will go toward my mortgage. The money made at 637 can also pay the mortgage, so truthfully, I will not have to pay my own mortgage. I plan to live at the new house for a few years, maybe 2. Will see how the wind blows.
Overall, it is the same below are my bills. Also, I disconnected the utilities at 637 and cut the rent to $750. Something that I have to get in my mind is that I am a business women. Regardless of all of that, that is what it is. So, I need to make my money work for me. Look into some other options. It is hard trying to save, but it can be done. There are many things that I am doing that I shouldn't be or things I should be doing and I'm not. So sad, I know, so sad.
US Dept of Edu
Tax Lien
Wachovia
ADT
First Premier
Got to have $5,000 for down payment for homes. Want to borrow off of the $5,000.
Save ontop of all that
I have 4 bank accounts, I can afford to deposit $50 into each account monthly
Next steps, sort out what can be cut out. Make sure I have enough money to sustain for each month. I know I have the money because I keep spending it. Also, I haven't done anything on my school. Nothing, need to add a few pages to it and make some changes. Just don't feel like doing the work. Again it comes up, am I afraid of success. Yes, I am. After I obtain the PhD, what next? Stop making excuses is what I need to do and just do the damn work.
That is everything that has been going on. I will try to not be gone for so long. Maybe I was embarrassed about the things that have taken place. Throughout all the changes, I have learned not to look back, hold grudges and beat myself up. Can't change the past. Stick with me Financial Success Will be mine soon.
I tried to purchase a Mini Cooper, but my credit was bad, due to paying the mortgages late and having a couple of doctors bills. Like always, my credit isn't bad for real, the only things I have on it or my student loans, the mortgages, and a few loans that are paid off. I forgot about the credit card that only has a $300 limit.
There are a few bills that aren't needed for instance, internet on my phone. I can't get all sites and it is a waste of money. I do use it from time to time, but not as much as I am paying for. Been on a few trips here and there. I did invest in myself by going to a residency in Houston. The most expensive part of the trip was the plane ticket.
Last year, I was trying to get these houses for $45,000. That is in the works, but he went up on the price. Awful, but the process has gotten started. Realizing that I am not getting any younger. There has to be another way. Thought it through, the tenant in the back will pay his rent and that will go toward my mortgage. The money made at 637 can also pay the mortgage, so truthfully, I will not have to pay my own mortgage. I plan to live at the new house for a few years, maybe 2. Will see how the wind blows.
Overall, it is the same below are my bills. Also, I disconnected the utilities at 637 and cut the rent to $750. Something that I have to get in my mind is that I am a business women. Regardless of all of that, that is what it is. So, I need to make my money work for me. Look into some other options. It is hard trying to save, but it can be done. There are many things that I am doing that I shouldn't be or things I should be doing and I'm not. So sad, I know, so sad.
US Dept of Edu
Tax Lien
Wachovia
ADT
First Premier
Got to have $5,000 for down payment for homes. Want to borrow off of the $5,000.
Save ontop of all that
I have 4 bank accounts, I can afford to deposit $50 into each account monthly
Next steps, sort out what can be cut out. Make sure I have enough money to sustain for each month. I know I have the money because I keep spending it. Also, I haven't done anything on my school. Nothing, need to add a few pages to it and make some changes. Just don't feel like doing the work. Again it comes up, am I afraid of success. Yes, I am. After I obtain the PhD, what next? Stop making excuses is what I need to do and just do the damn work.
That is everything that has been going on. I will try to not be gone for so long. Maybe I was embarrassed about the things that have taken place. Throughout all the changes, I have learned not to look back, hold grudges and beat myself up. Can't change the past. Stick with me Financial Success Will be mine soon.
Sunday, January 9, 2011
It's Another Year and What Will I Do?
2010 was a year of change for me and it is still changing. Financial success still isn't mine, but I am learning daily what and what not to do. To be honest, I can see where my problem is. The thing is that I have gone through a separation and I am still recovering from that. Within this time frame I have accomplished a few things.
Accomplishments
KAM I-approved
LA II & III-approved
finances in order (I was overdrawing constantly)
2011 Goals
save $1,000-$1,500 a month
complete KAM II February
complete KAM III April
start of prospectus May
dissertation June
$7,000-$10,500 by June or July
move by June, July, August
purchase home for $7,000 or $10,000
residency June
residency in between September -December
Thank you, thank you, thank you! I have learned over the years that a mortgage is over rated. Don't ever want one. So the time is now for me to get this thing popping. No more over spending. Another thing, I do believe I have to file for an eviction. What's crazy is my tenants son and other boys were the ones that broke into my and neighbors homes. Since we don't have school tomorrow that will be what I do. The economy is bad and I have never had a home on section eight, but I think this is the route that I'm going to go this time. More money!
Due to my separation I got in a really low place. I wasn't paying my bills or the houses bills, utilities were getting turned off left and right, now I am getting back up. Things are working themselves out. Never again will I get to that low, it was awful. What's funny, I haven't paid the mortgage yet, but I have paid all of the bills except the cable and gas. That will be done tomorrow!
The plans are big, and doable. There's a house around the street, he wants about $10,000 for it, I don't think it's worth that much. I don't have to live like the Jone's. Again I don't ever want a mortgage again!
Accomplishments
KAM I-approved
LA II & III-approved
finances in order (I was overdrawing constantly)
2011 Goals
save $1,000-$1,500 a month
complete KAM II February
complete KAM III April
start of prospectus May
dissertation June
$7,000-$10,500 by June or July
move by June, July, August
purchase home for $7,000 or $10,000
residency June
residency in between September -December
Thank you, thank you, thank you! I have learned over the years that a mortgage is over rated. Don't ever want one. So the time is now for me to get this thing popping. No more over spending. Another thing, I do believe I have to file for an eviction. What's crazy is my tenants son and other boys were the ones that broke into my and neighbors homes. Since we don't have school tomorrow that will be what I do. The economy is bad and I have never had a home on section eight, but I think this is the route that I'm going to go this time. More money!
Due to my separation I got in a really low place. I wasn't paying my bills or the houses bills, utilities were getting turned off left and right, now I am getting back up. Things are working themselves out. Never again will I get to that low, it was awful. What's funny, I haven't paid the mortgage yet, but I have paid all of the bills except the cable and gas. That will be done tomorrow!
The plans are big, and doable. There's a house around the street, he wants about $10,000 for it, I don't think it's worth that much. I don't have to live like the Jone's. Again I don't ever want a mortgage again!
Tuesday, November 9, 2010
Days Keep on Slipping
One day when this is well behind me, I am going to look back and smile. Smile because this situation is catapulted me to a better place a more peaceful and subdued environment. Speaking briefly about the situation. Maybe you have read this from me before, but I am tired. Tired of putting myself in bad situations. All of my life the same old things. Now, there's nothing. Nothing to be happy about, nothing to look forward too, nothing. On the flip side of that, there are many things to be happy about. I have my health, a place to live, my needs are met, there's life. So many things to be proud of. Just doesn't seem like that though.
This is my plan of action. Time waits for no one. This entire things has made me understand more about myself and others. No more will I be that same person, I deserve better than that. No more will I put others feelings in front of my own. Worry no more, everything will be alright and you will look upon this situation and know that it served a purpose in your life. It does and will.
Like I have stated previously, I am behind on many things. Bills ontop of bills is what I have. More or less I have gone through a divorce. Picking up the pieces, not knowing which way is up. Slowly they are coming back together. No where to turn, if things go wrong, I have to be the sole supporter of me. No more love from the other side.
Looking at things on a lighter note.
Bills
Power
Gas
Water
Knology
TMobile
Walden: once one thing is done something else always happens
First Premier
ADT
Tax Lien
There is something going on in my life. For the past year it has been a down hill spiral for me. The last few days have been strange too. Lost my license only to find it. Got pulled over only to get a warning. Car will not crank, have to get it fixed. Out and about and things took longer than they would normally. Now I'm back home to do nothing. My life has been a bunch of wo is me.
One day financial success will be mine. In the meantime, this thing called life is kicking my butt. What is going on in my life? Cleanse myself completely. No more bad things. Willetta, you will be ok! Trust that, it seems bad now, but everything has its purpose. You will be ok!
Not being able to focus on what's important has been a downfall of mean. At least the mortgages are paid. I'm going to wait to see what is wrong with Liam and how much it's going to cost to get him out of the shop. In my world, it just keeps on raining! Get it together girl, get it together!
This is my plan of action. Time waits for no one. This entire things has made me understand more about myself and others. No more will I be that same person, I deserve better than that. No more will I put others feelings in front of my own. Worry no more, everything will be alright and you will look upon this situation and know that it served a purpose in your life. It does and will.
Like I have stated previously, I am behind on many things. Bills ontop of bills is what I have. More or less I have gone through a divorce. Picking up the pieces, not knowing which way is up. Slowly they are coming back together. No where to turn, if things go wrong, I have to be the sole supporter of me. No more love from the other side.
Looking at things on a lighter note.
Bills
Power
Gas
Water
Knology
TMobile
Walden: once one thing is done something else always happens
First Premier
ADT
Tax Lien
There is something going on in my life. For the past year it has been a down hill spiral for me. The last few days have been strange too. Lost my license only to find it. Got pulled over only to get a warning. Car will not crank, have to get it fixed. Out and about and things took longer than they would normally. Now I'm back home to do nothing. My life has been a bunch of wo is me.
One day financial success will be mine. In the meantime, this thing called life is kicking my butt. What is going on in my life? Cleanse myself completely. No more bad things. Willetta, you will be ok! Trust that, it seems bad now, but everything has its purpose. You will be ok!
Not being able to focus on what's important has been a downfall of mean. At least the mortgages are paid. I'm going to wait to see what is wrong with Liam and how much it's going to cost to get him out of the shop. In my world, it just keeps on raining! Get it together girl, get it together!
Saturday, October 23, 2010
Realizing Many Things
Life for me has been a up and down hill battle. Being a product of my experiences and continuously doing the same things and getting the same results has gotten old. Facing the person that I really am has been hard. From October 09-October 10, things have been chaotic for me and only because of the decisions that I made. This is why I am where I am today, alone. Throughout this all I have not paid bills and just seem to be coasting along. The word for me may be depression, who knows. Like I stated before, embarassment is the key word. How could I? The audacity of me.
Currently, I don't know what my financial state is. I know that the water got turned off at Parkchester, not because I didn't have the money, but just haven't paid the bill. My existence is sad. The highlight of my day is none. I did pay the mortgages, so they are caught up.
Maybe I need to come up with a plan of action. Have no motivation to do that. What I do know is I need to finish these papers. Haven't done anything with school. Really feeling sorry for myself.
This is the last month for paying Ron. That is good.
Bills
Water
Gas
Power
Knology
TMobile
ADT
First Premier
Wachovia
US Dept of Edu
MEA
Tax Lien
Doctor's Hospital
Things I Need to Do
Get Motion Lights put Up
Turn in KAM I
Save Money
Put Liam in the Shop
No goals or ambitions nothing all of that has been taken away. Can't stay here forever, got to keep pressing on.
What's even got me is focusing on the things that aren't important. My life is what's important. This is my mothers house and I don't want to be here no longer than July. She was kind enough to allow me to live here again. So thankful!
Keep pressing forward and get my life going.
Currently, I don't know what my financial state is. I know that the water got turned off at Parkchester, not because I didn't have the money, but just haven't paid the bill. My existence is sad. The highlight of my day is none. I did pay the mortgages, so they are caught up.
Maybe I need to come up with a plan of action. Have no motivation to do that. What I do know is I need to finish these papers. Haven't done anything with school. Really feeling sorry for myself.
This is the last month for paying Ron. That is good.
Bills
Water
Gas
Power
Knology
TMobile
ADT
First Premier
Wachovia
US Dept of Edu
MEA
Tax Lien
Doctor's Hospital
Things I Need to Do
Get Motion Lights put Up
Turn in KAM I
Save Money
Put Liam in the Shop
No goals or ambitions nothing all of that has been taken away. Can't stay here forever, got to keep pressing on.
What's even got me is focusing on the things that aren't important. My life is what's important. This is my mothers house and I don't want to be here no longer than July. She was kind enough to allow me to live here again. So thankful!
Keep pressing forward and get my life going.
Friday, September 24, 2010
Just Floating on By
Feeling embarassed about this entire thing. The place that I have created for myself. Growing up is something that must be done and I can't beat myself up for the mistakes I've made. The title of this blog is My Financial Success and to be honest I feel that I have none. There are so many things that have happened and I have not been able to get caught up. It is sad. Not and not knowing my financial state is a shame.
Confessions
Overdrawing in account every month
Goals
Get motion dectectors put up
Complete KAM I
One residency
Save $5,000
Pay off Wachovia $1900
Pay off Ron $1900
Get front yard landscaped
Purchase my own home
Purchase land
Get my mind in order
Change insurance companies
Get Liam fixed
Time keeps on passing me by. All I can do is shake my head. My Financial Success deals with getting my finances in order and paying off all debts. Also, Willetta Jackson being debt free. Owing no one. These are the debts that I have as of today.
Debts
Ron (November)
Wachovia (January)
SunTrust (October)
Bank of America (October)
US Dept of Education (December 11)
Tax Lien (August 11)
MEA
Student Loans
Medical Bill
In my mind, I just need to get my mind in order and focus on what's important. That is so hard. Just really don't feel like doing anything. There are so many things that I need to do and order to make things happen. For instance, complete KAM I, II, & III. Just can't seem to focus and sit down to write these papers. Was going to a residency, but had to cancel that due to finances. Another thing I am going to be fiancially stable to the point where I can pay cash for things and have no monthly payment. Can no longer live check to check. What is wrong with me? That is always the key question. Willetta what is wrong with you?
Confessions
Overdrawing in account every month
Goals
Get motion dectectors put up
Complete KAM I
One residency
Save $5,000
Pay off Wachovia $1900
Pay off Ron $1900
Get front yard landscaped
Purchase my own home
Purchase land
Get my mind in order
Change insurance companies
Get Liam fixed
Time keeps on passing me by. All I can do is shake my head. My Financial Success deals with getting my finances in order and paying off all debts. Also, Willetta Jackson being debt free. Owing no one. These are the debts that I have as of today.
Debts
Ron (November)
Wachovia (January)
SunTrust (October)
Bank of America (October)
US Dept of Education (December 11)
Tax Lien (August 11)
MEA
Student Loans
Medical Bill
In my mind, I just need to get my mind in order and focus on what's important. That is so hard. Just really don't feel like doing anything. There are so many things that I need to do and order to make things happen. For instance, complete KAM I, II, & III. Just can't seem to focus and sit down to write these papers. Was going to a residency, but had to cancel that due to finances. Another thing I am going to be fiancially stable to the point where I can pay cash for things and have no monthly payment. Can no longer live check to check. What is wrong with me? That is always the key question. Willetta what is wrong with you?
Wednesday, July 14, 2010
I Really Don't Know What to Say
It seems that my wheels keep on spinning, no matter what. That is how life is. No matter what the time keeps moving forward. My finances haven't been the best lately and I know what and where things went wrong. There are many things that could have been done and weren't. On the other hand, there are many things that were accomplished too.
A few posts back I stated that my credit score had gone up, but now it has dropped. By how much I don't know. Behind 2 months on one house and 1 on the other. I believe that I have to pay 6 months to a year in order for the mortgages to be brought back to good standings.
As I type, the bathroom is getting fixed. So glad about that. The shower still isn't fixed, but now I can take a bath instead of a shower. Got rid of the pedestal sink and put one in with storage under the bottom. Also, used Goof Off to get all of that adhesive off of the ceramic tile. That worked. Changing the bathroom color too.
Just thinking about everything, there has to be a way for me to get back on track. It seems so hard and at times I feel lost. Spinning my wheels and not getting anywhere.
Haven't been working on the group home, slightly working on my KAM I. Actually waiting to hear a response from my professor.
Let's see starting today, what can I do to get my financial situation back in order.
Stop eating out
Return items not able to use
Put more money on items
Save something every month
Ron
Wachovia
US Dept of Education
Tax Lien
Things need to get done at the houses
1027: Railing for stairs on side
637: backyard leveled and jungle removed...privacy fence, ground fault receptacle
3210: motion detector light, handles fixed on tub
Having my passport has me seriously thinking of taking a trip somewhere anywhere. Being able to go to another country and see first hand how they live would be amazing to me.
Take everyday one day at a time. Get things done and put my best foot forward. I will have the mortgage paid for the month on the other house. So I will not be behind. The extra cash that I get will go toward paying Ron or something. Tired of being in this financial place.
This is what I will try to do. Write at least once a week to show some type of improvement.
A few posts back I stated that my credit score had gone up, but now it has dropped. By how much I don't know. Behind 2 months on one house and 1 on the other. I believe that I have to pay 6 months to a year in order for the mortgages to be brought back to good standings.
As I type, the bathroom is getting fixed. So glad about that. The shower still isn't fixed, but now I can take a bath instead of a shower. Got rid of the pedestal sink and put one in with storage under the bottom. Also, used Goof Off to get all of that adhesive off of the ceramic tile. That worked. Changing the bathroom color too.
Just thinking about everything, there has to be a way for me to get back on track. It seems so hard and at times I feel lost. Spinning my wheels and not getting anywhere.
Haven't been working on the group home, slightly working on my KAM I. Actually waiting to hear a response from my professor.
Let's see starting today, what can I do to get my financial situation back in order.
Stop eating out
Return items not able to use
Put more money on items
Save something every month
Ron
Wachovia
US Dept of Education
Tax Lien
Things need to get done at the houses
1027: Railing for stairs on side
637: backyard leveled and jungle removed...privacy fence, ground fault receptacle
3210: motion detector light, handles fixed on tub
Having my passport has me seriously thinking of taking a trip somewhere anywhere. Being able to go to another country and see first hand how they live would be amazing to me.
Take everyday one day at a time. Get things done and put my best foot forward. I will have the mortgage paid for the month on the other house. So I will not be behind. The extra cash that I get will go toward paying Ron or something. Tired of being in this financial place.
This is what I will try to do. Write at least once a week to show some type of improvement.
Friday, June 25, 2010
Ok, And
Every day goes by and it does get better, but it's not at its best. Realizing who I am and what needs to be done is a serious and daunting task. Being in the house by myself has made me realize many things. One, that I have to make a life change. Two, I was put on this Earth to enjoy it and not be a mess up. Three, it's up to me to make things right. Four, do something different. All of these things are of great importance to me.
Since the beginning of the month, I have been in a low place treading water. I am tired of being here. I have come to the decision that I will enjoy this place and make the most of it. I have been truly blessed through out my life and the blessings will continue to flow. Reading books about Buddhism has really helped me understand myself, others, and life. There are areas in my life that I have failed on the test, but there are others that I excel in. There needs to be a balance.
Today, I have no more cash at all. The good thing about it is I get paid Wednesday, the bad thing is I owe, I owe! Just like this month I made it, I will make it next month too. I used my credit card to fill up in gas. I took $20 and went to the grocery store. I only spent $18 and some change. There is enough food in the house to last me until next week. Good job!
There have been a few positive things that have happened:
applied for passport
Learning Agreement II approved
ordered books for last part of KAM I
So as you can read, I have not been just wallowing in sorrow! Yes, I have, but I have been doing things too.
Things I have to pay:
637 Parkchester
1027 Fisk
2 power bills
2 gas bills
2 water bills
2 cable bills
Tmobile
US Dept of Education
Wachovia
Ron
Things need to be fixed in home:
Cheap tile removed off of floor bathroom done
sink fixed and replaced done
sheet rock replaced done
faucet replaced tub
I guess I may be in this home for about 1 year. This is an income property for my mother and now that I am here that is $425 that she isn't getting per month. Truly, I don't want to be here, but this may be the best place for me. This is the second time around and there will not be third.
Time keeps on moving and no I am not getting any younger. There are things that will be done. I don't know how much money I owe Ron, but once that is finished I will start back saving. Five years until I am 40. Wow!
Another thing, wherever I go once I leave this house I will not have a mortgage! It is ridiculous how the housing market is. If the home is $50,000 when you finish paying for it, you will have paid almost $300,000. That is a shame! So I have learned that I mortgage is not the way to go. Or, I will just build me a house.
All I know is I didn't learn the first time, but I have this time! No longer will I spin my wheels to get nothing! I am fine, just have to except my place in this world and do the best I can! I am worth more than I ever thought! Thank you for letting me realize that!
Since the beginning of the month, I have been in a low place treading water. I am tired of being here. I have come to the decision that I will enjoy this place and make the most of it. I have been truly blessed through out my life and the blessings will continue to flow. Reading books about Buddhism has really helped me understand myself, others, and life. There are areas in my life that I have failed on the test, but there are others that I excel in. There needs to be a balance.
Today, I have no more cash at all. The good thing about it is I get paid Wednesday, the bad thing is I owe, I owe! Just like this month I made it, I will make it next month too. I used my credit card to fill up in gas. I took $20 and went to the grocery store. I only spent $18 and some change. There is enough food in the house to last me until next week. Good job!
There have been a few positive things that have happened:
applied for passport
Learning Agreement II approved
ordered books for last part of KAM I
So as you can read, I have not been just wallowing in sorrow! Yes, I have, but I have been doing things too.
Things I have to pay:
637 Parkchester
1027 Fisk
2 power bills
2 gas bills
2 water bills
2 cable bills
Tmobile
US Dept of Education
Wachovia
Ron
Things need to be fixed in home:
Cheap tile removed off of floor bathroom done
sink fixed and replaced done
sheet rock replaced done
faucet replaced tub
I guess I may be in this home for about 1 year. This is an income property for my mother and now that I am here that is $425 that she isn't getting per month. Truly, I don't want to be here, but this may be the best place for me. This is the second time around and there will not be third.
Time keeps on moving and no I am not getting any younger. There are things that will be done. I don't know how much money I owe Ron, but once that is finished I will start back saving. Five years until I am 40. Wow!
Another thing, wherever I go once I leave this house I will not have a mortgage! It is ridiculous how the housing market is. If the home is $50,000 when you finish paying for it, you will have paid almost $300,000. That is a shame! So I have learned that I mortgage is not the way to go. Or, I will just build me a house.
All I know is I didn't learn the first time, but I have this time! No longer will I spin my wheels to get nothing! I am fine, just have to except my place in this world and do the best I can! I am worth more than I ever thought! Thank you for letting me realize that!
Wednesday, June 2, 2010
Another Day is Here
As you may know, I have been in a low place for almost 2 months now. I understand my wrong and what I did. Thinking back, I don't know where my mind was and what was going on. Quit honest, I am embarrassed to say that I messed it up. Things are different now. I know longer will be in that place. Seeing things differently now. It's like everything is on the looking glass.
Yesterday was not a good day for me, all I did was cry. I greatly apologize to you for what I did, I never meant any of it. I know now, that we had everything and each other and that was all that mattered. Yes, things weren't always good, but they were everything that I wanted. Thank you for that! Thank you for everything that you have ever done for me, the time, the energy the emotions, thank you! You took care of me and that is all that I could have asked for. Now, I am all alone, missing what we once shared. Never to return
again and that is sad. Always looking for the next best thing when it was always in my face the entire time. Wow, how we don't see it until it is gone. Maybe one day you can find it in your heart to forgive me. Like I said before I know now.Working on myself and being in this same place again is very trying. To say over 5 years ago that I will never do it again and to do it again is crazy. Always looking for the next best thing and it was there all along. Sad!
During this time, I have learned that everything I need is in me. Everything, my whole life has been filled with nothing but failure. One relationship after another, failure! Getting into one after another and never hailing from the first. Bringing those issues into the other. The cycle continues t
o repeat itself over and over again. I refuse to be a victim. It stops here. I see now. Maybe it's because I am older and tired of being put in the same situations, I don't know, but what I do know is never again will I be the victim. I will never ever feel this way again. I will not make someone else hurt. To see the pain on the face is something that I never want to see again.The wanting, desire, all of that is sad, the minds keeps on wanting the next best thing. When what you need is always there. All I can do is shake my head. I want to talk to you to tell you how I feel, but I know you don't want to hear anything that I have to say. The lies, I completely understand. In my small mind, I just want things to go back to the way the were. A piece of me says it can happen, but something says it never will. You were my friend and I always thought you would be around, maybe you would have if I hadn't messed things up. Now, I am alone. Doing things that we used to do together, now I do them by myself.
Those were things that I wanted to express, just had to say something. Again, all I can do is shake my head in shame. I can't go on living this life repeating the same mistakes, I am better than that. This is about my well being. I understand were fear and worry come from. I will no longer carry them with me. I have released them. I deserve better than what I have given myself over the years. I am somebody!
My Finances
Once I recieve the money that I am owed, I will get some things fixed on Parkchester:
- yard done
- GCIF
- privacy fence
owed $3,000
Right Now
I have no money for real let's see:
- $1,000 to Ron for Parkchester
- $450 to Mom for Liam
- $570 for Parkchester
- $570 for Fisk
At this point, I am overdrawn in my account, tredding water. I am not ever worried about that. I also paid my bills too. So I know I am overdrawn in my account. So, so very sad.
Paying $1000 a month to Ron let's me know that I can pay off much of my debt soon. I don't know how much I owe him, but once that is done I will pay off the two student loans that I have. This is a bad thing, but now I can focus on me, that is what I am going to do. No room for anyone else.
I paid my credit card bill. I guess due to the holiday weekend it will be a delay when they will receive the payment. Once the payment has been received, I will purchase the books I need for my Application. I will start on my Learning Agreement for KAM II.
This blog has helped me to express my rights, my wrongs, my stupid decisions, my oversights, my mistakes and any other crazy thing that I may have done. Survival is the key to this thing and that I have been barely doing. I am worth more than that! Thank you for reading and again learn from all of my errors, because as you read, I make a plenty of them.
Saturday, May 29, 2010
So Worried
Regardless of what is going on in ones life, life keeps moving forward. As I stated in my previous posts, starting over has it's ups and downs. At this moment, I am at the downs. To be honest, everyday is getting better, but not it's best. Right now, I should be in Houston with my girlfriends, but due to the move it took all of my cash. My finances aren't the best and I don't see how things will work themselves out. It is completely out of my hands, I must keep moving forward and not give up and myself.
I got Liam out of the shop and had to borrow money for that. Trying to purchase 3 homes and I have to give him $1000 for a title search. Don't think that is right, but I really want these homes. I am owed money let's see $1800 from one home and $1200 from another. Once I receive that money things will be much better.
The house I am in now needed/needs some work. The floors needed to be done, while doing that they have done something to the power where the washer and dryer are. They also repainted the walls, when I had already painted, I just didn't cut in. The house is in disarray worse than it was in the beginning. I really don't know where anything is.
Looking at my finances is a truly sad thing. At one point, I was rolling in the money, now I am tredding water trying to stay afloat.
As for the group home, I had to start completely over on my paperwork and I could be further than I am, but wallowing in sorrow does something to my motivation.
School will be over for the term Monday and I need to purchase my books so that I can complete KAM I. In the meantime, I will start working on the Learning Agreement for KAM 2. I registered for the residency in July, but I am not going to attend it, no cash and feel I need to complete all three KAMs, before I attend another one.
I am sad and working on myself. That is all that I truly can say. Don't want to do anything, go anywhere or nothing, just want to be. I have figured out that most of my problems stem from my youth and I have to fix me. No one else, but me! Can't be still and truly trying to work on that. All these changes and I know that it is for the best.
3210 Oneal Street
bathroom tile removed
bathroom sink fixed
dishwasher replaced/fixed nothing was wrong
tree limbs cut
grass cut done
plant some flowers
637 Parkchester Drive
add a bathroom
PhD
KAM I
Learning Agreement KAM II approved
KAM II
Learning Agreement KAM III
KAM III
Prospectus
Dissertation
2 six day residencies
I don't know what is going on and where I am going, but I do know that things will and have to be better. I will not be worried about things and just keep moving forward. I am still sad, but I will be alright. I have to make me better that is all that matters. My childhood has had a serious affect on me and who I am. As much as we try to be different than our parents we tend to turn out to be just like them. No longer will I be a victim of my past. Things will be better and now I know that. There will be a better Willetta when this is done!
I got Liam out of the shop and had to borrow money for that. Trying to purchase 3 homes and I have to give him $1000 for a title search. Don't think that is right, but I really want these homes. I am owed money let's see $1800 from one home and $1200 from another. Once I receive that money things will be much better.
The house I am in now needed/needs some work. The floors needed to be done, while doing that they have done something to the power where the washer and dryer are. They also repainted the walls, when I had already painted, I just didn't cut in. The house is in disarray worse than it was in the beginning. I really don't know where anything is.
Looking at my finances is a truly sad thing. At one point, I was rolling in the money, now I am tredding water trying to stay afloat.
As for the group home, I had to start completely over on my paperwork and I could be further than I am, but wallowing in sorrow does something to my motivation.
School will be over for the term Monday and I need to purchase my books so that I can complete KAM I. In the meantime, I will start working on the Learning Agreement for KAM 2. I registered for the residency in July, but I am not going to attend it, no cash and feel I need to complete all three KAMs, before I attend another one.
I am sad and working on myself. That is all that I truly can say. Don't want to do anything, go anywhere or nothing, just want to be. I have figured out that most of my problems stem from my youth and I have to fix me. No one else, but me! Can't be still and truly trying to work on that. All these changes and I know that it is for the best.
3210 Oneal Street
bathroom tile removed
bathroom sink fixed
dishwasher replaced/fixed nothing was wrong
tree limbs cut
grass cut done
plant some flowers
637 Parkchester Drive
add a bathroom
PhD
KAM I
Learning Agreement KAM II approved
KAM II
Learning Agreement KAM III
KAM III
Prospectus
Dissertation
2 six day residencies
I don't know what is going on and where I am going, but I do know that things will and have to be better. I will not be worried about things and just keep moving forward. I am still sad, but I will be alright. I have to make me better that is all that matters. My childhood has had a serious affect on me and who I am. As much as we try to be different than our parents we tend to turn out to be just like them. No longer will I be a victim of my past. Things will be better and now I know that. There will be a better Willetta when this is done!
Tuesday, May 18, 2010
The Current Situation
I am learning to slow down and just go with the flow. Living life and not being acceptable of myself is a huge thing. Learning how to love myself is the main goal. Tired of doing the same things over and over again. This will make almost 20 years of being given an opportunity to right my wrong and here I am in the same place again. Things are different this time. No longer will I continue to wrong myself. Now, I understand that I am no different. I didn't like when you did it to someone dear to me and I do the same to someone else. Wow, things will be and are different this time.
My financial situation is not at it's best. The transition has taken away from what I had. On top of that a tenant owes.
Things about to happen
$1,000 for 3 houses
1027 Fisk Avenue $527
Books $100
Liam $500
3210 Oneal Street $300
I don't need to be flat broke and that's what it looks like is about to happen. I have been trying to sort out my issues and constantly spending money where I don't need to. This move has really done something to me, but I do understand there has to be consequences for my actions. I am taking responsibility for what I have done. It is no bodies fault but my own. Now, I have to figure out how to survive for the next almost 2 weeks. No food, no money, no nothing, but my sanity and at this point, that is all that matters.
There's no money on my credit card, I have about $500 to my name. Wow and things just keep accumulating. You know what that doesn't matter, what matters is that I am healthy and there is a means to an end. Today, I am going to take my time, find out if my car is ready, get some cash and just relax in the house alone. I just need to be.
If you are a constant reader of my blog when I post don't do the things that I have done. Learn from my mistakes all I can do is give thanks and know things will get better.
My financial situation is not at it's best. The transition has taken away from what I had. On top of that a tenant owes.
Things about to happen
$1,000 for 3 houses
1027 Fisk Avenue $527
Books $100
Liam $500
3210 Oneal Street $300
I don't need to be flat broke and that's what it looks like is about to happen. I have been trying to sort out my issues and constantly spending money where I don't need to. This move has really done something to me, but I do understand there has to be consequences for my actions. I am taking responsibility for what I have done. It is no bodies fault but my own. Now, I have to figure out how to survive for the next almost 2 weeks. No food, no money, no nothing, but my sanity and at this point, that is all that matters.
There's no money on my credit card, I have about $500 to my name. Wow and things just keep accumulating. You know what that doesn't matter, what matters is that I am healthy and there is a means to an end. Today, I am going to take my time, find out if my car is ready, get some cash and just relax in the house alone. I just need to be.
If you are a constant reader of my blog when I post don't do the things that I have done. Learn from my mistakes all I can do is give thanks and know things will get better.
Tuesday, May 11, 2010
Why Do I Keep Doing the Same Ole Things?
I have messed up royaly and the first thing is to admit your wrong. I am admitting my wrong! This makes time number two that I have wronged someone that is very dear to me. Why did I do that, who knows, maybe looking for love in all the wrong places? At this moment, I am feeling what I did wrong.
Here I go again on my own! This is not a place that I ever wanted to be. What have I learned from my mistake? Never look outside of your relationship for anything. Look within it, communication, and trust are key to a happy relationship.
What I want: I know we may never recover from this, but if we do I will not and I do repeat will not do anything like that again. The entire situation is sad and it is not completely my fault. All I can do is admit my wrong and work on making me better. This time around I will make me better. I don't ever want to have this experience again. What we shared was intimate and we took each other for granted. If we could return to where we were I would be different. I would cherish every moment that we spend together. My friends would not be before you and I would work on making us better.
Since I am on my own again, my finances have completely changed. The extra cash that I had has gone to hotel rooms, moving (purchasing new things), eating out. I am not at 100% and it is to be expected, but I do know I am giving myself an entire year to get everything together.
May 11, 2010-May 11, 2011
completed all 3 KAMS
completed prospectus and dissertation
done 2 residencies
about to graduate with PhD
group home running
moved from 3210 Oneal Street
pay off Ron for fixing 637 Parkchester
pay off tax lien
pay off wachovia
pay off US Dept of Education
pay off MEA
purchase 3 houses
keep credit scores up 607, 657, 657 (they can only get better)
Something that I have noticed about myself is that the months of March-May usually has some type of chaos going on. What am I doing to attract these negative things? I am tired of my faults and like I stated earlier I will work on them and be a better person. I don't ever in life want to feel like this and I never will. Keep moving forward and let me realize that I made a mistake and the things I do have a trickle down effect on the people I am around. If you can find it in your heart to forgive me please do.
There is more that I have to say, but the time will be later. This is my financial success, the ups and downs, high and lows, but through it all I will achieve financial success. There are many things that have been put off over the years. This year, I will make them happen. All extra cash will go toward paying off the lowest debts first.
Also, remember I am paying for utilities in two places, my new residency and Parkchester. So my money is used up. Keep saving and moving forward that is my plan.
Here I go again on my own! This is not a place that I ever wanted to be. What have I learned from my mistake? Never look outside of your relationship for anything. Look within it, communication, and trust are key to a happy relationship.
What I want: I know we may never recover from this, but if we do I will not and I do repeat will not do anything like that again. The entire situation is sad and it is not completely my fault. All I can do is admit my wrong and work on making me better. This time around I will make me better. I don't ever want to have this experience again. What we shared was intimate and we took each other for granted. If we could return to where we were I would be different. I would cherish every moment that we spend together. My friends would not be before you and I would work on making us better.
Since I am on my own again, my finances have completely changed. The extra cash that I had has gone to hotel rooms, moving (purchasing new things), eating out. I am not at 100% and it is to be expected, but I do know I am giving myself an entire year to get everything together.
May 11, 2010-May 11, 2011
completed all 3 KAMS
completed prospectus and dissertation
done 2 residencies
about to graduate with PhD
group home running
moved from 3210 Oneal Street
pay off Ron for fixing 637 Parkchester
pay off tax lien
pay off wachovia
pay off US Dept of Education
pay off MEA
purchase 3 houses
keep credit scores up 607, 657, 657 (they can only get better)
Something that I have noticed about myself is that the months of March-May usually has some type of chaos going on. What am I doing to attract these negative things? I am tired of my faults and like I stated earlier I will work on them and be a better person. I don't ever in life want to feel like this and I never will. Keep moving forward and let me realize that I made a mistake and the things I do have a trickle down effect on the people I am around. If you can find it in your heart to forgive me please do.
There is more that I have to say, but the time will be later. This is my financial success, the ups and downs, high and lows, but through it all I will achieve financial success. There are many things that have been put off over the years. This year, I will make them happen. All extra cash will go toward paying off the lowest debts first.
Also, remember I am paying for utilities in two places, my new residency and Parkchester. So my money is used up. Keep saving and moving forward that is my plan.
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